I wake up in my room, my head is throbbing and pounding non-stop, the pain hurts so much I start crying. I realize I'm standing, kind of, I look up and I'm hanging by handcuffs, my wrists hurt immensely and I don't understand why I'm hanging like this. The last thing I remember is sitting on the peer and being hit on the head by my brother with a beer bottle. My brother walks in and says, "Stupid bitch, stop crying, man up." I don't say anything, but I look up and he has a baseball bat, I'm too terrified of what he's going to do. He raises the baseball bat and you can see the frustration in his eye, and he's sweating and he says, "It's all your fucking fault. Everything." His voice Is shaky and you can tell he's trying not to cry.
"I know." I whisper. He swings the bat as hard as he can and hits me in my stomach right by my ribs. I cringe from the pain and my vision gets blurry from me trying to hold back the tears. I want it to stop, everything, I want- no, need to die. The pain hurts so much and I can barely stand just from one swing. I whisper, so softly I can barely hear it, "Amy come home, I... I need you." As tears roll down my face, I can't hold the tears back anymore.
I look up, he swings again, this time on the other side, inbetween my ribs and thighs, I can't stand anymore, I just can't. He swings me another time, not as hard as the last two, but still pretty hard. I can't stanf anymore, I'm so weak, but I have to stand, or my wrists will hurt even more. I'm looking down and breathing hard, and the tears keep coming. I look up at him and I don't even have time to register that he's about to slap me, so when he hits me I can't even prepare myself.
He picks up the bat again and hits me again, in the same spot as the first time, on my right side on my ribs. My sister walks in and her eyes widen, my brother throws a punch and hits me on the right side of my face. My sister starts to cry and yells my name, "Paige!" Her voice is so high and raspy from crying it pierces my ears and I cringe. My brother turns around, drops the bat, and starts waking towards the door, you can see the fear in my sister's eyes. My sister stops my brother and yells at him, and tells him to let me down. He walks over, opens the hand cuff and i drop.
My sister and brother start yelling at each other, but he doesn't dare touch Amy, he knows better then to touch her. While they're yelling at each other I manage to crawl to my bathroom and close the door. I grab onto the rim of the sink and manage to pull myself up. I take off my jacket and lift up my tank top. I have massive bruises on my stomach I don't even dare touch because they've already started turnung purple and are bleeding. I open my cabinet and grab my blade, I take the blade and slide it across my arm, watching it split my skin and letting blood poor out of me. It's dark, red, and it keeps coming out of me. I can hear the arguement dying down. I open my cabinet and grab my sleeping pills.
I try to get he bottle open but a door slams and my sister bursts open my bathroom door. I can barely see anymore because my eyes are once again blurry from my tears, and my face is wet from the tears. My sister hits the pills out of my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom, I try to reach for my blade but I'm to weak and don't have the strength to lift my arm right now. My sister picks up my 105lb body and puts it on my bed. She wraps up my arm and grabs my phone, I try to stop her but I'm starting to feel dizzy.
She calls Maddy and tells her to come over right now, that it's and emergency, I try to say 'No, stop.' but I don't even have the strength to speak. I try to fall asleep but my sister refuses to let me because she feels like I'll pass out. Maddy bursts into my bedroom, terrified. She sees me laying on my bed and she looks at the handcuffs hanging, then the baseball bat, then looks to the bathroom, then looks at the blood around the sink, then the pills on the floor, then back out me. By this time she has tears rolling down her face dripping down to the floor. She walks over to me and rolls up my tanktop to see the damage. she gasps and says under her breath with her hands covering her mouth, "Oh my god, Paige..."
By now I've gained some strength back so I raise myself on the bed and roll down my tank top. It hurts to sit up, and use my muscles but I'm tired of laying down. Maddy gives me a hug but makes sure not to touch my bruises, then looks at my face. I ask her to hand me a mirror so I can see the damage. I look in the mirrior and I have a purple bump on my face from the punch and another red mark from the slap. I touch my face softly but quickly pull away because of the pain of a touch.
Crying, I look down at my arm, and try to unwrap it but I hear my sister's voice, "Stop, and im taking away your blade." I plead to her, "No, please, I need it, I can't deal with it all without my blade!" She doesn't listen, and carries on with what she's doing. I plead to her to let me keep my blade, but she just ignores me, but I dont stop asking. By now I'm on the verge of tears and it feels like I just dry swallowed a giant pill. I can hear my voice getting shakey but I don't care, I want my blade.
Maddy ties to calm me down by telling it's going to be okay, but in the end, will it really? I've been lead to think it never will. I'm completely blocking out Maddy, then we make eye contact... I look in her eyes and you can see the pain in her eyes, I can't believe I caused this. She's on the verge of tears and you can hear it in her voice, how hard she's trying not to cry. Maddy tells my sister she'll drive me to the hospital and say I got beat up by some kids at school. I tell her that won't work because they'll just start asking who and contact the school, and the last thing we need is to bring attention to this situation. After about 10 minutes of trying to convince her, it works and she offers to go to the store for us.
"Do you want anything, Paige? "
"Could you get me some pain killers, and some sleeping pills?"
"Why do you need the sleeping pills? I don't feel comfortable buying you them..."
"Oh my god, just to sleep. You can keep the other pills in your purse if you want, I really couldn't care to be honest."
I don't mean to be snappy at her, I really don't, but that's just how it comes out and I don't have the energy to fix it. She'll understand, I hope. Maddy walks out the door without another word, and I start talking to Amy. She ignores me at first, but then she realizes I'm on the verge of tears again, so she walks over, tells me to be quiet, and says, "Darling, you'll be okay." All I can think is bullshit, it's never going to be okay. I turn over and act like I'm trying to fall asleep until she leaves the room.
Later, Maddy walks in with a teddy bear and my pills, I assume she bought the teddy bear for someone else, but she hands it to me, along with my pills. I'm confused about the bear, but grateful. I smile at her and say thank you for the bear, that I'll keep it forever because no one has ever gotten me a gift when I wasn't well I can always count on Maddy to make me feel better, no matter what the situation. Although sometimes she can be a total pain in my ass for the stupidest things, whether it be over a stupid guy or girl I like, or getting an anonymous note in my locker, even if it's bad.
(sorry for the short chapter, I was in a hurry to get a new chapter up. Also sorry for the long wait, haven't had a chance to write with school and all, love you guys, Xoxo <3)
