Hidden beneath the surface, you can find a kaleidoscope of different things. We use our skin to hide away all the thoughts and feelings we don’t want others to know.
Almost like a book, we can choose to be open or closed. Our pages can be filled with adventures and laughter or they can remain blank and unfilled. We allow ourselves to get caught up in the plot of our own lives, until we reach the climax, at which point we finally step back into reality; realizing we are only human, and like all other living, breathing, organisms, we all have an expiration date.
Sitting in a basement lays a girl, her head embedded into the hard army cot that gives some sense of relief, providing a distraction from the world just up above her head, one that only seems to cause pain and feelings of regret.
If you examine the skin upon her back, you’ll see the invisible cuts and scratches that the trials and regulations of life have left her with.
Each cut represents a memory that has been burned into her mind; the scratches that are invisible to the human eye are reminders that she isn’t untouchable.
Her body suddenly stirs around in the thin raggedy sheets as a memory begins to play around in her mind—a memory she would never want to see again—but in such an unconscious state her mind has begun to tease her.
Its voice echoes in her mind and its hot breath fills her nose.
Her hands squeeze the sheets until the memory gradually fades away, returning her dreams to a blissful paradise.
Time slowly passes by as the morning dew begins to form atop the grassy plains, just outside her window; the sun begins to peek out from the clouds as the birds chirp their morning song.
An exhale of breath is released from the girl, lying in the corner of the room. Her eyes flicker open once, twice, then a final time before adjusting to the hue. She scans the room, almost expecting someone else to be there, but soon realizes that she is the only one occupying the small basement.
Slowly removing the small layer of rags from her pale skin, she lets her feet fall limp to the floor; allowing them to interweave through the plush carpeting that teased the pads of her feet.
She takes a few steps, unsteady at first, until they gradually became stable; her feet had taken her to the opposite side of the room. She looked into the glossy reflection of a window, trying to find any piece of her that may still remain, but all she could see was a broken soul.
Her soul used to be free and content with life, but now everything she touched seemed to fall apart beneath her. Still, somewhere, she knew there was someone who could piece her back together—but where were they?
Her thoughts often depicted her future, each time it’d change; sometimes she’d picture a man with blue vivacious eye’s that would call her ‘baby’ and each time the words left his lips she’d blush an awful crimson red.
Other times, when she was feeling blue, she’d imagine herself alone, to face the world and its obstacles alone, yet she hoped that there really was someone out there for her.
Fate already knew her future; it had decided her outcome in life long before she could even process thoughts.
As her eyes stray towards her face, she sighs, not understanding how someone who breathes the same oxygen as her could find her remotely attractive; inside and out.
Her feelings towards life had expired. She didn’t care what anyone thought of her or how they felt towards her, because it wasn’t her fault that she was born this way and forced to live in such a way.
No not at all, in fact she was molded and shaped to think in such ways; ways that made her think she wasn’t beautiful and ways that made her feel as if she just didn’t belong in a world full of people so vast and intricate, for she was too ordinary and plain.
So there she stands, looking into the covered window, with every fiber of her being, wanting to know why she is still here.
Still breathing
Still thinking
Still feeling
Still existing
As her eyes wander about the room, a small plan begins to unravel inside her subtle mind.
Her pale skin shivers at the thoughts running through her mind, never had she been so daring to think up a plan that would stop her all together.
The room lurks in a violent quiet, as her hand reaches for the pill-bottle that she has been eyeing ever since a little eternity ago. When she saw the bottle in its bathroom, she didn't hesitate to hide and take the bottle downstairs with her. The plastic leaves no feeling against her sweaty palms. The soft popping of the cap echoes throughout the room-- her mind blanks, hoping it won't come down the stairs and foil her plan.
She stands, just inches away from the window now, as she lays down each small pill that would ultimately seal her fate. One becomes twelve, and that doubles until the whole bottle is emptied out.
Her fingers reach for the first pill.
As she holds the subtle drug in-between her fingertips, she feels more powerful than she has in years.
For the first time in her life, she feels in control.
Opening her mouth slightly, she pops the first dark paradise inside her mouth. She repeats this until she reaches number twelve.
From upstairs a song plays and she knows that she has failed, just once after hearing the lyrics play out, for she couldn’t subject herself to swallow one more pill.
Its four o'clock in the morning and it's starting to get light
Now I'm right where I want to be losing track of time
But I wish that it was still last night you look like you're in another world
But I can read your mind how can you be so far away
Lying by my side when I go away, I'll miss you
And I will be thinking of you every night and day just
Promise me you'll wait for me 'cos I'll be saving all my love for you
And I will be home soon, promise me you'll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
And I'll be home, I'll be home soon
As the lyrics play out from the speakers of her alarm, she smiles. The memories of him surround her entirety. This song and every lyric in it, reminds her of the only good thing that had happened to her in life. But then again, just like every other good thing, even he had disappeared.
A man about six foot carved himself out in her mind, his thick red hair swooped away from his face as he smiled. He was her savior, the only reason it hadn't killed her yet, but one day he disappeared and took every piece of hope she had collected over the years.
So today, as she sits in her room--alone, deserted--she grieves. Losing him feels a lot like she’s losing herself because he was always there for her. Every single time. The countless times that she had been hit, abandoned, left alone: he had been there to fill in the empty spaces.
Every single time, he was there.
Her saving grace.
Now, without him, she feels nothing.
Each day, since he left for good, she forced herself to carry on, to survive. Simply because she wasn’t broken to the extent that she believed she was. But today, she knows she is broken, yet she must still carry on.
YOU ARE READING
Save Me // H.S
Fanfiction[In Progress] Here I sit alone in my basement, while my family sits upstairs as normal as can be. I constantly wait for her words to call me up, to play another one of her sick games. The bruises on my body are all from her and the tears I cry are a...
