Merry-Go-Round (Sequel to 'Carousel')

Chapter 3 - Rushed and Tumbled

My pullover was lying on the floor. I undid the buttons of his shirt front without seeing them, my hands wedged between his chest and mine as he tried to hold me close to him while at the same time opening the cuffs of his shirt behind my back without taking his mouth off mine or his hand out of my hair. The kiss was urgent and deep and spurring lust. The last button gave way and I pulled the collar away from his neck and down over his shoulders before clawing at the t-shirt he always wore underneath.

"This is just not... Oh, Gosh!" He started to laugh against my mouth, then pressed his face against my cheek. "This is just not working!"
"What? What's the matter?"
"The shirt. I can't get it off!" It was hanging loose on his arms and he was struggling trying to pull it over his left hand.
"Let me see..." I took a step back and reached for his arm, but he slid his fingers between my skin and the waistband of my jeans and pulled me back against him. His other hand dug into my hair again.
"Don't matter," he murmured short of breath grazing his teeth over my bottom lip. "I'll just leave it on."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "You most definitely won't leave it on! Let me see!"
With a groaned and a furrowed brow he allowed me to slip from his hands.
"You didn't open the cuff."
"I know! I couldn't get the button to open."
"Okay, let me do it. Did you do the other one?"
"No. I did the other one," Michael said, apparently not hearing me right. "I could just tear the button off!"
"Let me just..." I turned the sleeve on his arm straightening the cloth, but the button wouldn't let go. Something was stuck. I was half naked. There was a tingling sensation in my lips from the rough kiss and the trace of his teeth. He was near, his clothing partly undone. His bed behind my back... I took a breath to focus and had a closer look.

Actually, I was having the first true look at all. Some threads from the button hole had unravelled and entangled themselves with the button. I tried to free them. It was a work requiring fine motor skills and the concentration cooled my lust.

It occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have allowed myself to be carried away. Back in that summer one and a half years ago, our relationship had taken a rushed and tumbled start. At the time I hadn't even thought about the possibility that Michael might be in a relationship of his own, and if I had it most likely wouldn't have bothered me. He wasn't married – I would probably have drawn a line there – and if he had been willing to betray a girlfriend, then that would have been his business. I had been in L.A. for a few months only, and I hadn't expected any lasting relationships to form, let alone with someone as extraordinary.

Now things were different. I had come to L.A. exclusively to see him and to stay at his house. He was my only purpose for being there. This wasn't playing. I wasn't playing – not anymore. So maybe rushing it wasn't a good idea. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to let him tumble me first thing after walking in the door. What was the situation – our situation? Was he playing? Had there been someone else while we had been apart? Was there someone else now? I hadn't worried so much about any of this when I had agreed to come to California. Now all of a sudden I did. And at the same time I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.
"It's been a long time," I said not looking up from his sleeve.
"Yes, it has."
The threads unwound from the button and the cuff opened, but I held on to this arm a moment longer.

Something about him calmed. His attitude, his breathing, maybe. The whole atmosphere in the room changed and suddenly I felt despair. 
"What is it?" he asked in a quiet tone. The fingers of his other hand were brushing along my collarbone, then he stopped touching me. "Please, tell me."
"When we first met I didn't ask you if you were with someone else..." I started.
"I wasn't!"
"I know. I know that. But I didn't ask before... I just... We... It just happened. We didn't know each other and it just happened. But it's different now. Because we have known each other for quite some time. But we've been apart for most of that time, too, so I wonder..."
"If I'm true? Is it that? Are you asking me if I've been cheating on you?"
"Essentially, yes," I said defeated. "But I don't know if I want to know. Really, I don't know! And I don't know if I can even ask that after a year and a half."