thoughts of mine

death

I don't know if I'm the only one who doesn't care if they get into an accident or dies or gets hurt badly. I don't know why I don't care but I just gave up I guess.

I gave up on hope of a better life, a better body, a better everything. But its not like I'm going to kill myself or anything I just don't have hope for anything good in my life.

I do have deep feelings for a boy as you may know, but like I said he probably likes my friend so I don't have my hopes up that he will feel the same way about me. Its just impossible in my book for a guy who I have strong feelings for to have the same feeling back.

All I want to do is get through school, get a good job that pays well, and if the whole guy thing doesn't work out I can just adopt. Most of you May think its sad and that I shouldn't give up so easily. But the thing is, I am just jot in the right state of mind to not give up.

There are things in life I want to do. But there are also obstacles. Like I said before I'm not scared of death or getting hurt. Its all just.. Hopeless. I love kids. But I doubt I'll be able to have any of my own.