I used to pray every night, knelt on the cold wooden floor of my bedroom.
Pray for something. Anything.
But I didn't think I had anything to pray for.
Nothing truly important.
I didn't know, or understand, the happenings of the world then.
I didn't know of the war, the peace I should have prayed, the truth I would never have.
Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I could have prevented this.
If only I'd known...
I blame myself, though they say I shouldn't.
I blame everyone else, too, that belongs to my generation, for being so naive and not praying for our salvation, for our peace.
The war- We will lose. Everyone will lose. Because we come from broken homes now. Father, disappeared 'for their country', never to return. Mothers, struggling at the jobs their bodies are untrained to do.
And here we are, hidden in small country houses.
We can do nothing. No war will solve our problems. No talking to settle this foolish, violent 'debate'. This childish, useless argument. No prayers will be answered now.
I've lost faith.
God is not here any longer. He has left us in our destruction to take care of something else that still harbours hope, a chance for a brighter tomorrow.
We have been abandoned.
I won't listen to them. No more of their lies!
'It will be OK. We'll win and then everything will return to how it was.'
No! No, it will not!
No one is going to win.
As soon as the war started, as soon as we got involved, we lost! We lost men, so many important fathers, brothers, sons.
My dad's out there. My big brother.
They won't come back.
They're already dead.
Mother was destroyed by a bomb dropped on a hospital in London.
I don't understand.
Don't understand why the nicest people get the worst fortunes!
I'm still here, but I am so alone.
Emotionless, I sit in the house, day by day, looking out of the windows into the forests but seeing nothing.
They try to comfort me, I can hear no words. Like my prayers to God their voices are unimportant now, unheard.
Only the distant sound of bombshells.
A thought-
'Whose loved one died this time?'
I wish this had never happened. Think of us, think of how we feel. We are your future as well as our own!
What will the future be like if all we know is war?
Children are easily influenced by the actions of those older than themselves.
In this grove in which I now sit, no sound reaches me, no sunglight touched my pale skin.
No one is here with me, are they searching?
Here I am!
Me and my thought-
'If only I had prayed for significance...'
