Jaded by the Dark ( Stranger Things Fanfiction/Jonathan Byers)

Chapter One: Knowing Tovah

Spoiler (Tovah's internal thoughts): Honestly, I don't know where I am. I can't understand why nobody is listening to me, why don't they understand, why do they think I'm insane? Why can't they understand I'm not supposed to be here?
                    ~Back before IT happened~

Janie, why can't I have this... when am I going to go through something amazing. No matter where you look, you see miracles, miracles here, miracles there... But then you look at my life, where are the miracles? Where are the highs, because all I seem to be getting are the lows? People are getting scholarships, they're finding love, and me... what do I have besides my borderline average life? When is something amazing going to happen to me? My life goes from average, to horrible, to average. It's a never ending cycle of shit... complete shit.
Tovah couldn't help but shed a tear while looking at Janie in disgust. What had she become? She doesn't understand her reason for being, when life is just a declining rollercoaster, never seeming to find its way up. She looked at Janie hoping to find some relief, but Janie had enough.
Listen Tovah, I don't understand, how can you keep doing this. You seem to be doing okay, but then you do this. You look at the negative and steer clear of anything that could give you any happiness at all, then you expect me to give you a whole "feel better" speech and try to feel just "okay" enough to go on, but I'm tired of it. I'm not here to deal with this, I'm not a therapist, and I can't keep you depending on me. What if I leave Tovah, huh, what are you going to do then? When you can't push your negativity on anyone, what are you going to do? Are you going to finally fix
yourself, are you going to finally start living for yourself again? It's been three years since your mother passed. You need to start living for you again... Get out of your bubble, get out of it now before it's too late, before you're stuck in it forever, without a needle to pop yourself out. Now listen to me, this time you're going to be different. Look where we are. Look at the trees, look at the blue skies, doesn't it make you happy? You've been coming here for eleven years, doesn't it give you memories, and doesn't it make you satisfied?
Satisfaction was something Tovah never had. Nothing ever completed her. She never knew how to end anything properly. She's like a math equation. When you don't get it, it frustrates you and frustrates you until you completely give up. The thing is, when you finally get it, it's like a light bulb appears. You feel complete. It's like you've found meaning in something seemingly meaningless. Tovah walked to the window and saw everyone hanging out, practically careless, like everything was going their way, and maybe it was. She sighed, trying to make herself come back from her mental land of negativity.
I'm so sorry Janie, I'm sorry for pushing this on you, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I've realized that I am okay, this is all I need, for now. I do need something more, I need something different. Though I do promise not to burden you constantly with this, I can't pretend this is all fine and dandy. I know it's not. YOU know it's not. Anyways, this year we're counselors, right Janie? So, I'm going to use this time wisely. I'm going to use this time to get better. Next year, we start college, I'd like to use this summer to become myself again.
Janie sighed and turned to Tovah and said, "Alright Tovah, but let's unpack now, tomorrow they'll be here and I want to be fully ready to welcome the kids.
They turned around and walked to separate ends of the room. It was their turn to be counselors at their summer camp, and they were seventeen now. They unpacked, taking their time to fully take in the experience and the atmosphere of the room. Even though they'd been going since they were six, it's like a new experience every time.
Tovah: Hey, Janie, I think I forgot a bag outside, I'm going to go out and get it.
Janie: Alright, can you do me a favor though, can you ask Jodie about my schedule, I haven't gotten it yet.
Tovah: Sure, no problem.
Tovah looked around and breathed in the nature. She took in the fresh air and tried hard to exhale the past. Looking around, she tried to spot her bag, but it was out of sight. She decided to go to the older counselors, hoping they had picked it up and had it waiting for her.
Tovah: Spader, Dylan, Jodie... you guys there?
Spader: Uh.. Hey Tovah. Dylan and Jodie are in the back talking to Veda, they're trying to figure the bunk arrangements for the kids.
Tovah: Why are there bunk arrangements, I never had them?
Spader: Uh.. well, this year we have a lot more than usual so we have to make sure the young ones don't have the choice to be near the older ones. They seem to influence them. Remember last year when one of the girls ran off with one of the older guys? Well that ended up getting us a lot of phone calls when her parents found out. The camp got complaints and parents were worried, we figured this would help out with the situation.
Through out what Spader was saying, Tovah had spaced out. She thought back to when she first met everyone there. Her mom had driven her there one warm summer's day, and when Tovah got out, though she was scared, she knew she needed to make friends. Tovah was an only child, she's never had the chance to experience sibling bonds, and though she liked being by herself whenever possible, having friends made life easier. First, Janie came up to her. She'd seen Janie at her school before, so they easily hit it off. Janie almost pushed herself onto Tovah, but Tovah didn't mind, she appreciated a friend.
Janie's a very happy, bubbly person. She's naive and is constantly positive, which helps with Tovah's situation. Tovah isn't exactly like that. Her passions are more intellectual. She likes writing and reading, something to stimulate her brain. The one thing that annoys her the most are people who are stupid. In a world where you can read and achieve knowledge, why chose to be uneducated? Anyways, so one day, while Janie was playing soccer, Tovah was sitting on the bleachers when Dylan came by. Then she had long, wavy red hair, but now that she's older, she's dyed her tips blonde and cut it shoulder length. Dylan is very nice to look at, but once she opens her mouth, it's like she's a completely different person. Her language is vile but unfortunately, so is Tovah's, which sort of bonded them. They enjoy each other's vulgarity. They can have full conversations, talking about nothing and everything, as long as they can use the most disgusting vocabulary possible. At that time, Jodie was Dylan's boyfriend. The reason why he liked her was never known to anybody, but now they're history. Whenever Dylan would hang out with Jodie, Tovah would make sure to tag along, she's always had a little crush on Jodie. When she was younger, it was mostly because he was always nice to her. Tovah's always been a sucker to people who went out of their ways to be kind to her. There's no benefit in being kind to anyone, so why do it? Anyone who ever did go out of their way was either seen as suspicious or, if they were Jodie, were seen as genuinely good people. Her reason now for liking him is their summer camp history  along with the fact that he's grown up to be a very good looking guy. Tovah's never cared for looks, but he comes off like a dream. Tovah can't stand a guy with short hair, it's too clean and kept, and she likes a constant reminder that a guy can be relaxed and natural. Which is why Jodie's curly chin length hair is so stunning to her. Then he has these beautiful brown eyes. Tovah's usual preference is blue eyes, but his eyes contain a certain shine, like his eyes hold hope and eagerness to live life to the fullest. Then, of course, he's taller than anyone she's ever met and Tovah loves tall. You could be butt-ugly, but if you're tall and have a brain, Tovah is bound to fall for you, luckily Jodie's not butt-ugly. Spader on the other hand, has a brain and isn't too bad looking, but is extremely shy. He too is tall, but he's sort of lanky. The first year Tovah went to summer camp, she'd see Spader by himself playing with game cards all the time. Tovah understood the struggle to make friends, so she tried as hard as she could to include him. That one summer ended up forming a group of friends they'd have forever. From then on, Tovah, Janie, Dylan, Jodie and Spader were extremely close and looked forward to each summer they were lucky enough to spend together. The thing is, this summer would change everything, but for better or for worse?