Teen Life

The Beginning

Hi, I'm Nat. I'm 17 years old. My life is a circle; I wake up at 5:50am, get ready for school, go to school by bus at 7:10am and then I'm coming home at 4pm or earlier. My school is fine but I have to study a lot. Yeah, I have to....but I'm too lazy. People at my school are okay, just trying to be on good terms with them & thats all. I have one friend. I call her J. She's the one who is supporting me through everything. She's a good friend. She's that smart one. J was always on good terms with teachers and... boys. Yup, boys. She's pretty naive so all of her boyfriends were a piece of shit. So yeah.

My love life is a piece of shit. I've had two boyfriends and every one of them was a fucking dick. Dating online - tried multiple times and ffs its a disaster. But one day when I was at J's place I've met a guy named Chris. We talked for almost 3 weeks online. He was funny, easy to be with, cool, cute sometimes. We talked almost 24/7. Then we decided to meet. He was waiting for me outside my school. I was a little nervous. When he saw me I knew that our meeting is going to be a cataclysm. I saw how disappointed he was with how I looked. Yeah, I get it I look pretty on my selfies but in real life I'm ugly. I told him that before but okay. He was talking about him, his life, all this girls that are in love with him and how he feels guilty when he has to reject them. He was talking for hours until the end of our meeting but lets get back to girls that are in love with him. Okay, he's tall, skinny with brown hair & brown eyes. Girls like that. I like that too. He told me how pathetic they are and how he don't want to break their hearts. At that moment I've had that thought "Oops, Nat you are FUCKED" because I already had feelings for him. Through our meeting he looked in my eyes just a few times. I get it, he could be shy and stuff but it was a little weird. It was rude. Like "I don't wanna look at your face because your UGLY". I'm not the prettiest girl on this planet but Jesus...
It was the first red flag. Then he started to talk about his "ex" and past relationship that lasted just one day.
We were on the bus and a few steps away there was some girl sitting and he was like "Look she's staring at me" and I said so loud "HE'S MINE!!!" (it was a joke). He started laughing. When we got to our destination I've gone crazy. I went to H&M, Reserved, Cropp and I was literally just touching stuff and saying how ugly the thing is. He did the same thing tho. Then we went to McDonald's, ordered the food and we sat at the table. He was always saying sorry when he was at his phone. When we were done with our food, we were gone to railway station.
There was so many people so we had to sit on the floor. We were chilling for 30mins and then he had to catch his bus. So yeah, we are sitting next to each other and he said "thank you for awesome day, really" and then he FINALLY looked in my eyes and said 'bye', I was frozen and he was still looking in my eyes and I was like 'bye'. He got up and disappeared on the stairs.
I plugged in my headphones and started to listening to "I wish" by Cher Lloyd. I've had mixed feelings. I felt anger, sadness, happiness in one moment. Now its Sunday and he still didn't message me. We've met on Friday. I don't wanna be one of this "pathetic girls" that are hitting on him. I don't know maybe he needs time. The one thing I can't understand - he told me that I'm different than other girls. You know what? That's why I don't like dating. It's shaking my world upsidedown. Fuuck. I'll keep you updated with everything. That's all for now x