Rush and Restraint

Chapter Five

The shrill ring of the phone jarred me awake.

It ripped through the comfortable monotone of the radiator humming in the attic since the noise of the traffic from the street below was muffled by the soft, sparkling snow floating down from the skies.

I lifted my head from the patterns of fabric I'd been cutting on the table, grimacing at the tight kink on my neck as I surveyed the small room for the offending device.

Catching the flash of blue-white light, I plucked the cellphone from under a now-empty, still-greasy box of Chinese take-out and stared at the screen.

My heart rate slowed when I saw my brother's name on the call display and I took a deep breath before answering it.

"Hey."

"Viv? What's going on?" Stellan's voice was soft with concern.

"What do you mean?"

He sighed, clearly aware I was being deliberately evasive, but I made no other sound. "I had some business in Boston and I thought I'd stop by and see you on my way back. I left you message a couple hours ago, when I confirmed I could spare a few hours, but you never replied. I showed up at your apartment and your landlady said she hasn't seen you for over a week."

"I'm not staying there anymore," I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I got up on my feet and walked to the large window looking out to the snow-covered streets. "I've moved."

"You moved? When? Why didn't you say anything?"

I sank down on the bay window and glanced back at the small, studio apartment I've called home for the last week. It was no more than an attic of an old building in the Flatiron District. I could afford more but there was something comforting about the small, cozy space, the rough industrial finishes and the feeling of being secluded from the rest of the world. Hiding away in it helped me disconnect from the rest of my life, which was probably why I've barely left it in the last week or so.

"I still have the old place and most of my stuff is still there," I explained reluctantly. "I'm probably just going to be here until after graduation."

When Stellan didn't say anything, I hastened to add, "I needed a change of scene while I put my collection together for the finals."

"Why not say anything?" he asked, sounding cautious enough to be unconvinced. "How do you think Dad's going to react when he finds out you've moved residences without telling him?"

"He's going to be upset but he's going to have to quickly accept that I'm an adult, Stellan, and that I can make my own decisions about my life."

The silence that followed made me uncomfortable.

My brother and I have always been close despite the six years between us. He was one of the very few people who knew me very well. He knew I was always very outspoken about what I wanted but for me to be snarky about Dad was a completely rare and different thing. Dad indulged us both to a fault and despite his overprotectiveness, he'd never boxed us in with what he wanted.