Questions

When did you first know you loved him? How long will you wait?

When Tear had first been asked those questions, she had only been able to answer one. She still could. Tear, even after almost two years of waiting, of thinking, could still only answer the second question, although her friends who had known the truth still asked her both.

For the first, was there even an answer? Tear could not narrow it down to a specific time frame when she had started loving him. She did not know when her heart started longing for him, when seeing his smile caused warmth to spread through her body, starting from her core and ending in her fingers and toes. She did not know when it started, that a single brush of skin on skin could send her heart racing. When his pain was transferred to her and multiplied by a thousand. When her body started to long for his touch and her heart ached for his voice. When she wanted to just be held by him and to forget about the world.

Even though she had had no answer to when it started, she knew when she realized what it was. She only realized that she loved him when she was about to lose him. When she heard about the choice he would have to make at the Tower of Rem, she knew, before the words were out of King Ingelbert's mouth, she knew what his choice would be. If it meant the miasma would be neutralized, he would die. When he confirmed what she already knew, she felt mad, sad, and hurt. She was sad because he had a life ahead of him, a future. She was hurt because the thought of losing him sent a bullet of pain straight into her heart, piercing it with more efficiency then one of Natalia's arrows or Guy's sword. She was mad, not at him, but at herself and the rest of the world. Herself because she could not stop him. The world, because did killing one person to save the rest of the world really justify killing that person? For her, it did not. That one person was like the rest of them and deserved to live as well. For her at least, if he died, her world would of already cracked and shattered.

However, it was not until she saw him standing there, holding the sword above his head, that she realized the exact words for her feelings. She loved him. So, she did the only thing that made sense to her at time. She ran to him. She felt, that if, just, somehow, she got to him quick enough, she could stop him from dying. However, even as she called out his name, Guy stopped her. He held her back, stopped her from running to him. And there, watching from her restraining prison, she watched the man she loved die.

Or, at least try to, for Asch jumped in at just the right time, saving both of them. When she saw that he was alive, she could have wept for joy. She almost did. But her relief was short lived. It was Mieu who told her. That his fonons were separating. That soon, he would disappear into nothing. Upon confronting him about it, the only thing he could do was confirm it. From then on, she watched him closely, making sure he would not disappear. It was like this, that she had to say good bye at Eldrant.

That was why, now, she was waiting.

For her, the answer to the second question was obvious. Though, she felt guilty that she had put a limit on how long she would wait. She knew the exact second that she would stop waiting. But, even though she had chosen a long time, she knew that he deserved better, that he deserved more. For Tear was determined to wait for him forever. She just hoped that forever would never end.

But if it did, she hoped it took her with it.

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