Stories From the Stars

Requiem

My love,

It has occurred to me just how deeply I care for you.

You are my light and darkness. The reason for my happiness. Ying to my yang, mountain to my craig. In summary, I don't know how to be without you.
I was just sitting on our bed, surrounded by all of our old photographs from over the years, us laughing, me reminiscing. I'm laughing to myself.

Do you remember taking me to your parents for their summer barbecue?
I remember.
I remember I was so nervous that day, I must've begged you at least three times to turn the car around before we arrived. But your sisters ran up to me asking to braid my hair, your father laughed, your mother hugged me, and I almost instantaneously felt at ease. I still can't believe that was only three summers ago.

As I write this, the rain outside pours. It's coming down in sad drops down the window panes. It reminds me of that one night. All those nights ago. So long ago, it seems, now. But I don't want to talk about that now. I just want to keep remembering. All the good. All the happy. Every time we've ever shared.

Do you remember our twenty-seventh first date?
I remember.
I remember you joking that every date was like a new first date, because each time you'd learn something new about me. Said it was like falling for me like the first time, all over again. But no. Wait. Back to the twenty-seventh first date. It's so clear in my mind, if it'd been a glass door I would have already ran into it. It was the middle of November and thirty degrees and you wore that bright blue hoodie that I loved on you.

I complained.
You begged.
We both walked through the building.

I remember I kept wondering how a hotel's furnace could break on such a cold night.

I whined.
You shushed.
We ascended the stairs.

My agitation turned to curiosity as we passed floor by floor, room by room. By the time we hit the twelfth floor, I was panting and confused. Yet each of my questions were met by your cryptic responses. We arrived at a door marked off with red tape and then, we were on the roof. It was a still, unmoving night.

"It's below thirty! Are you trying to kill me?" I questioned rubbing my hands together.

"I know. I know." You said, taking one of my hands in yours and pressing your lips against it. "A little further. Only a little further, I promise."

I grumbled.
You laughed.
We walked around an air conditioning unit.

I squealed when I saw the checkered blanket laying plain and flat, surrounded by candles. You gingerly took my hand and we sat down in the middle.

You smiled.
I quirked my eyebrow.
Your hand went yo your back pocket.

As you whipped out a deck of cards, I let out a stunned puff of air. You took me on a rooftop date. Surrounded by candle light. To play cards.
I laughed so hard my entire chest became warm. Only you. Only you and your antics.
When we made to leave I whispered "I love you" and I meant it. The stars were bright that night. I was sick for a week and a half after that. To this day, that was my favorite date.

Do you remember when you proposed?
I remember.
You spun me around and around on the rink, and when I finally stopped laughing and regained my balance, you had one knee bent on the ice.

I gasped.
You laughed.
It was a new start for us.

Do you remember what our springtimes were like? Warm and sunny and new?
I remember.
Our friends would joke that we lived outside on that lake, we were there so much.
The dragonflys would annoy you, I'd kick my feet in the water, we'd stay together on that dock until the reflection of the sun disappeared on the horizon and the crickets came alive to sing for us.

It's raining so hard here now. So hard. It's lighting and the blinds are shaking and the thunder is snapping angrily in the sky. The lights are flickering. I wish I could breathe you in and lay next to you and spend the afternoon just listening to it all. But it reminds me. It reminds me of that one night, all those nights ago. Time and years away from this moment. I remember. I remeber. I remember.

Do you remember that argument? The argument?

Me crying,
you pleading,
both of us screaming?

I remember.

I said if you really wanted forgiveness, maybe you could find that in her too.

I ran.
You chased.
We ended up in the downpour.

You said I was crazy.
I said you were a liar.
We weren't getting through to each other.

I spun on my heels to get away from you and all you were, you pulled me back. You pulled me right back to you. I remember how warm you were against the rain. It was cold against my skin. I was cold. We always ended up in the cold. Why did we always end up in the cold?

I cried.
You soothed.
We were fine.
We were always fine.

Jack, I love you. I love you more than I do myself. I remember so much, baby. So many good times. So many moments. Snapshots. Pieces of ourselves that, when put together, make up our lives. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come back? Come home? There were so many good times. So many. But, don't worry. I remember everything. I remember even the bad. Especially the bad.

You threw my sketchbook into the fire.
I threw your camera into the lake.
There were times when we were anything but fine.
I remember. I remember. I remember.

Jack, I love you. I miss you. Sometimes it gets lonely here. And those are the times I'm sorry all over again. I'm sorry the most then. Because, for everything I remember, everything I remember about me and you and us, sometimes I miss you so much, I wish I could remember where I hid your body. Just to see you one last time. Come back, my love? Come home? There were so many good times. We had so many good times together.

I laughed.
You laughed.
We were happy.
And I remember.

I remembered.

Forever your only love,
Sara