Remember, this is not a real comic. Watch the YouTube thing if I care. But don't blame me if you get disappointed by this, instead of a real comic.
***
It's the first of September, and I feel change in the air. I'm tired of being so skinny; I thing I'll go into gorging myself. I'm so light and tired of the boys raving over me.
The two fatty competing restaraunts in town are Southern Sue's and Le Claire's. I'm going to try out those two for two weeks and we'll see how it goes.
***
I walk into Southern Sue's, looking around. Plus, since my boss (at the biggest critic's newspaper in the city) told me to go crit these two restaraunts, it'll be a nice undercover.
A thick man with a greasy apron calls me in. Okay reception... I scribble down on a notepad. Could improve...
"Oh, aren't you that critic from the Frazier?" I hear a voice squeal. I turn to the voice and nearly swallow my tongue. The world's fattest woman barrels towards me, eager as a chipmunk. Oh jeez...
She personally escorts me to the best seat in the house; on top of the building. A soft breeze plays across my face and I smile. Not bad seating...
She brings me plates after plates of tottering food. I eat it gladly, and give it a four stars. Too high and the other competitors will be jealous. Then, I wobble to the other side of town.
"Hello, Le Claire," I say as a fat woman as fat as Sue comes to greet me.
" 'allo, Mizz Zweeztz! 'ow are you doing today?"
"I'd like to critic this restaurant."
"Oh! Gladly!"
She stuffs the entire kitchen into me.
Two weeks and a bunch of greasy food later...
I find myself on the couch, in front of the television, feeling bloated. Ugh... why'd I think it be a good idea to stuff myself silly like this? This is too much! In only two weeks, I've gained 100 pounds! Both women are beginning to like me, since I buy so much, and have been stuffing me senseless. They're even paying me to eat the stuff!
I've got to stop this. I won't go there anymore.
Two days later...
I stir in bed, feeling refreshed, but strange. I've lost five pounds in the last two days, but I feel bloated. I had a dream I ate a large town, made completely made out of candy. I was a giant fat blob afterwards.
I open my eyes and nearly choke. Le Claire kneels in front of me, her knees pinning my legs down so that I can't move. My stomach is twice the size of last night, and my pajamas have ripped open, revealing my stomach, which has gone to the size of a yoga ball. A spoon of something extremely sweet is in my mouth, and I mumble something, waving my chubby arms around.
Le Claire removes the spoon and I scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!"
She looks hurt and says, in her French accent, "I mizzed you, zat is all! You 'ave not come to ze restaraunt for 'oo days!"
"I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT!" I screech, but I can already tell it's no use. I'm barely a third of how big Le Claire is. She cocks her head to the side and raises a bowl of sugar.
"More sugar?" she asks, holding up the spoon with tiny grains of sugar inside.
I gasp. "Is this what you've been feeding me all night?!"
