Dear Dillon

I have had plenty of time to think about our relationship over the past 6 months and I realized today that it wasn't healthy.

September 5th the anniversary of my grandmother's death will forever be tainted by you because it is the day we met online and you were trying to get me to go out with Olsen but we ended up attracted to each other and slept together that first night.

We spent the whole weekend together and we talked about things we wanted out of life, like marriage and kids, what we want to spend our lives doing and one night you cried to me and confessed that you were still in love with Holly and we decided to start a friendship since you were getting over Holly and I was getting over him.

Then it went on that you felt you were falling in love with me...I'm not too sure if that's real. Only you would know. I felt something and I fell for you. I never felt that way about anyone. Not even the guy who put me through the ringer for 10 years. But I left Cañon City a week after we met to go home to Denver and we talked and we got to know each other and I kept falling and I hoped you were doing the same and from what you told me, you were, and I believed you.

We sent each other letters, we grew closer and we fell in love. Whether that love is one sided. As I said, will rest with you. Because neither of us had a car at the time we didn't see each other until Olsen brought you up here in early October and then again on Halloween when you got your car.

Your car changed our relationship in a lot of ways. It helped us get closer and it helped us explore a city that I grew up in and knew nothing about. My living with my brother was unbearable and you were there for me when I couldn't handle it and I decided to move in with my parents.

I was so scared for you to meet my parents. My dad is a jerk and my mom hates everyone. And my sister.....the one person I never wanted you to meet. But you impressed them all. Everyone loved you and I was so happy. We were so happy, we made love and got caught a couple times, we spent so many weekends together in that bed.

A bed that I can't even look at because it reminds me of you. Same with the stuffed animals. The giraffe you bought me on our first weekend together, the lion and baby Dino that you have opposites of (which I'm not sure if you still have and I'd be disappointed if Diney didn't come back to me since I bought it) I look at them when I'm laying in bed and I can't think of how we could have all these memories and now they don't even matter. They're going to be forgotten if I don't write them down.

We fought on Christmas over something stupid that I don't even remember, but I also gave you a bracelet with a horseshoe for good luck in the army. You never wear it but I hope you don't give it to someone else, it would hurt too much.

New Years was a trip. We got drunk and I wanted to see the fireworks but your army buddies invited you to a party where they were gonna pull a train on a girl. And it ended up being a girl alone in a hotel room, all 6 of us crammed in there and uncomfortable. I sobered up and wanted to go home. We did and went to sleep. I went to work the next morning and we had our own little party at home that night, drinking with my family. You drank way too much and passed out on the couch. I took off your shoes and tried to get you into to bed, you wouldn't budge. I tried to wake you up and you told me to shut up. I gave up and that's when you woke up.

Drunk. You rolled yourself into the floor and I begged you to get up and stop acting a fool and you laid there looking ridiculous. I turned out the lights and got into bed and that's when you started begging me to help you into bed. I got on the floor with you and tried to lift you. You wouldn't budge. You started pushing me away so I gave up.

Tempers flaring we were both having a hard time. We finally got you into bed and I took your pants off and put you under the covers. I got into bed and you began flailing and kicking me. I told you to stop and you kept kicking and kneeing me and I was getting frustrated and angry and I tried to calm you down and telling you not to hit me.