(so, this is going to sound odd, but I had to write about recent events in my life. Because I don't know who I would tell that would understand. So this isn't really a book. But if youd like, feel free to read, I'll try to put it into a story as much as possible)
It's been three days since we broke up. The memory of you saying "I think I love you" while we watched the stars in the open field that one night, keeps playing over and over in my head. I keep telling myself that this isn't my fault, but I know in some way, that it is. I loved you back. I've never loved someone as much as I did you. I thought about you from the second I woke up, to the second I fell asleep. You told me you would never leave me. But look where we are now. I know you weren't ready to tell anyone that you were bisexual, your family would have kicked you out. I understood and didn't pressure you to. And then one day, I got off work early, and went to surprise you at your work. After I got home that night, you texted me telling me you needed to talk. You told me that you didn't want people knowing we were even friends, that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't be put out like that again. I knew what was coming. "So are you wanting to break up" it took you awhile to reply so I knew what was coming. "I don't want to, but the fact that I can't get married to you with out my family being disappointed in me. I want my family to be there when I get married. I want my own kids. I want everyone to know about us. But I can't do that with you." "I'll ask again. Do you want to break up" "of course I don't." I stopped. I don't want to make him miserable being with me. I want him to be happy, I want him to find someone who can treat him better than me, someone who will actually get to meet his family. "But you have to" I replied. "Yeah" that was it. That was the end of us. You told me it would never come and here it is. Recently I've been finding happiness in drugs. Weed, pills, lsd, I know I can't stay high forever. I know it only temporary numbs the pain. But. With out you, that's all I feel, I don't want to suffer, I don't want to feel this way, I want you and only you. You told me it was the best for you. But what about me. Did you think of what this is doing to me? Every time I think of you I start crying and don't stop. I can't be mad at you and I can't forgive you. You told me you loved me. If you loved me you would have fought for us. You would have tried to keep things going. But you left me, alone, I can't bear the pain anymore.
