I lay down in my bed, unable to feel any emotion, any hope, anything at all. For the longest time, I felt empty, like no matter what I did in life, nothing would matter, because in the end I can't do everything myself. I liked my friends, I liked my family, but I couldn't do everything myself, and often times I feel like I go insane knowing that fact; I can't fix everything, and when I can't fix it, I feel like I'm useless. I try my best to hide it, to hide my emotions, but they crack open and show when I don't want them too.
I've done a lot in my life, from protecting my friends, to seeing people die, to feeling complete loneliness and depression; but something deep inside just kept me doing through this hell. I always fought every problem I had in life head first, I tried to move past the pain I felt, and I would help anyone who needed it, if I knew they wouldn't hurt more people if I did. What kept me going? What was not letting me give up through this? What was I becoming?
I had my friends there, to help me and protect me when I needed help. I had my family, who loved me and supports me through this hard time, and I had the internet to find people I can relate to, and help too. They were the reason I kept going, because I knew if I were to just go away one day, they'd suffer more than anything; they shouldn't have to suffer like I had to, they should never feel the way I have felt, they should never experience death like I had to. I'm not afraid to show my emotions any more, and I feel like I should open myself up to the world again, despite how painful it will be at the start; it's time I found some more hope to keep going.
I had recently travelled away from home, to another place where I never seen before, and there I met many new people, and some had to go through the same problems I had. They understood me, they helped me, and they protected me, as I did to them, and they taught me so much. They told me, the only reason they kept going was hope, hope that tomorrow would be a better day. I didn't believe them at first until they tried helping me see that myself, and eventually I began to feel the same. I finally had some hope.
I'm back from that place, and now I feel like I can do so much more, that I can help so much more, and that I can finally move on from the past. I finally found hope.
