I'm mumbling incoherent words to the emptiness. This is not the meaning of the phrase 'having a good time'. I'm trying to find people while living inside an isolated cell that I have made around me. I'm trying to see behind the words people are saying to me and I see only empty spaces and blank sentences. I miss you a lot. I don't remember when the last time I have said that to a person was.
I still remember the feel of your skin to my fingertips, your smell to my nostrils and the look you had when the first rays of light intruded in the room, showering you... You were, are and will be my sunshine. I hated summer for many reasons but now I adore it. I expect it to come eagerly, as waiting an old and beloved friend. I am waiting to see the first rays of the light just to see your face inside them. I am waiting to see the sunshine as if I could reach and grab you.
I know I wasn't the most welcoming person you could find. I know I was not giving much but I was not expecting much in return. You were and are the only one I have. I haven't been supportive or by your side when you needed a person there by your side. Physically that is, because mentally I was always by your side. I was seeing you getting to your bed to sleep, going out with friends, visiting your home town. I was always there, as I have come and visited.
We live in different countries but in the same world. We have made our own unique world but we have got separated in it too. I need you. I want you. I miss you. I am trying to contact you in a friendly manner but as much as I'm trying the harder it gets. I have so many things to say to you but... Yes, I'm a coward. A coward for not trying to make you mine once again, for not being more open to you. And no this "letter" does not make me braver...
I love you... my sunshine.
