The Life I've Thrown

The Confrontation

Tomorrow's my deadline. But exams are killing me this week.

~~~~

I sighed and rest my head on my desk as I stare at the retreating figure of Kei out of the classroom. Today was supposed to be the day that I try to talk to him about what happened between the two of us. I wanted to tell him my reasons for leaving him. My REAL reasons. I wanted to ask if he could give US a chance.

I know its too much to ask after what I did to him but I still wanted to try. Its selfish but can you blame me? I want to talk to Kei.

However, faith is not with me today. Well, it never was. But it just ticks me off that everytime I try to talk to Kei, there's always something or someone in the way.

//

I came to school early this morning and left Cy at her bed since she doesnt want to wake up yet. There's a reason why I decided to wake up early. Its because I want to have the chance to talk to Kei. I dont know if hes here yet but well see later. But, actually the main reason why I was early was because I woke up at 3 in the morning and my eyes decided to keep wide awake until the sun smiles and the roosters cacackooing.

I sighed. "Just wish I could talk to him today."

I came in front of the door of our homeroom and slid it open. I looked over to my seat and saw Kei- chan sitting beside my chair, leaning on his seat while an open book is resting on his face. I froze.

My chance..

I walk over to my seat and place my bag beside my table and sat on my chair. I look over to him and stare at him for awhie. Is he sleeping? Should I wake him up? But what would I say? I cant believe this. Im finally here with him alone and I dont even have an idea what to say! Fudge!

He moved and took the book of his face. I stiffened a little when he saw me staring at him. "What?" he rudely asked.

"U-uhm.." Calm down. Here's my chance. "Uhm, Ke- Kimura- san I have something to tell you for awhile now.."

He looked at me with his deadpanned face, prompting me to continue. "Well, back in the play.. I s-saw something."

He raised his brow. I sighed. I cant believe trying to apologize and explain is actually hard. So, thats how those pathetic girls in books and movies are like that. "I just wanted to say that I- im so---"

Cy slammed the door open and looked at me with an accusing eye. She walked up to me and hit me in the head, earning a yelp in response. "How dare you leave me behind. You should have woke me up. Stupid!" she said placing her hands on her waist.

I looked at her with a teary eye while rubbing my injured head. "I DID wake you up. You even said you're still sleepy and too tired to move so I should just leave you alone! Heck, you didnt have to hit me that hard!"

Her mouth formed an O- shape as she realized something. She then smiled apologetically. "Oops. I thought it was a dream..? Teehee~" She playfully winked at me and I returned it with a glare. A few seconds later, my classmates started to fill the room in and the place went roudy.

//

That was just my first try. I still tried at recess but he went invisible. I dont know how he did that but he did. At lunch, I even sacrifice my lunch time just to have the chance to talk to him but I couldnt find him anywhere. I also went to the rooftop to check but the door to the rooftop was lock. 

I stood up and took my bag. I think I'll try tomorrow. For now, I'll go home. I went to the door and slid it open. I froze, my hand on the air. The door was opened by no other than Kei- chan. I stare at his dull blue eyes with my slightly shocked brown ones. He stared back and then decided to put my frozen hand down by himself. He walked back to his seat and I contemplated whether to take this chance or not.

I look at his ducking figure, grabbing something on his chair. When he had grabbed what seems to be a book, he looked over to me.

"What?" He said in a grumpy tone. I shook my head in a horizontal motion and looked away. I started to walk out the door and left him in the room.

He looks grumpy.. I dont think talking to him about the past would lighten his mood. It might make it worse. I knew I would get it hard when I apologize but confronting his already grumpy mood might triple the pain he might inflict me. I still want to live, mind you.

I went to my locker and took off my shoes and replaced it with my outdoor shoes. I grew cautious when I saw Kei- chan walked to his locker, just right behind mine, and did what I did as well. When I was done, I took my bag which I placed on the floor and moved to walk away.

"Say.." I stopped when I heard his voice. "Earlier, you said that you wanted to tell me something. What was it?" He said and asked.

I inwardly panicked and started playing with my hair while my eyes looked everywhere but him. "I- its n- nothing important. R- really." I bowed and swiftly walked away from him.

I felt his presence behind me as I am closed to the gate and I thought why not tell him now and get it over with so I stopped. He stopped as well. "Its.." I started. "I'm sorry.." I apologized.

"Huh?" He asked his voiced laced with confusion. I turned to him so I would see his face. I looked at him in the eye and with my most sincere and saddest voice I said. "I'm sorry.. for everything.."

He didn't respond. He just stared at me in the eyes without blinking or moving an inch. He's deadpanned expression still masking his emotion but his eyes glimmered with recognition. I waited for him to yell. To shout at me for every unanswered question I left him back then. But all I received was a dead stare and a deafening silence.

I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. "You remember everything, huh?" He said as a matter- of- fact instead of a question. I nodded and lowered my head so he wont see my saddened face. "Well, good for you."

"You could yell at me.. shout.. Be angry.." I said. "Please, just dont be like this. Don't let our past change you." I meaningfully said. I want the old Kei- chan back. I know it was my fault that he's changed but still I don't want him to stop being happy because I hurt him. "I am not asking you to forgive me but at least dont stop yourself from being happy. I--"

He scoffed and then laughed. I looked at him dumbfounded. Did I say something funny? He continued laughing for a long moment. When he regained his composure he looked at me with a poker face but his voice stern and deadly. "You think I'm not happy. You think I'm still in love with you? You think it was because you left me that I'm like this?" He said and chuckled a little. "How egocentric are you, really? You think the world revolves around you? That MY world ONLY revolves around YOU? Don't flatter yourself too much. I dont give a damn about you anymore." He walked past me but stopped just right beside me. "Between me and you, YOU are the one who hadn't moved on." He said and I heard his footsteps slowly fading away from where I stood.

I froze. Was he really this rude? My heart felt like being squeezed and I clutched the shirt on my chest where my heart lies. It hurts. To actually hear it from him. To hear that he doesn't care about us, about me at all. My tears fell like rain and I felt my knees weakened. A sobbed escaped my lips and I fell on my knees as my sobs turned into loud cries.

"Briannie?" I heard someone called my name in front of me and I looked up and tried to figure who was in front of me with my blurry eyes. "What's wrong?" The soft voice male kneeled in front of me and I then recognize him.

"Kaito.." I called him. He hugged me and I buried my face on his chest as I continue to cry. I gripped his shirt while he continued to soothe my back and calm me.

"K-k-kenji.." I managed to utter between my sobs.

"You talked?" He asked softly as he now ran his hands on my hair. I nodded my face still buried on his chest. "He knew your reason."

I took a moment to respond then I shook my head. "He.. d-doesnt care anymore.."

He sighed and hug me tighter but still comforting. He was the only person to know my reasons of leaving- aside from my family. After all, Kaito is Kenji's older brother who was like an older brother to you as well.

~~~~

I cant believe I made 1600 hundred. So I now have only 2800 left? I might actually pull this off.