Walk With Me (on Hold)

Chapter 1

Lyssa looked up at the clock in the living room. It was eleven pm and her mother wasn't home yet. She was tired, exhausted even but she wasn't quite ready to sleep. She bent her head back to the book on her lap and continued reading the same page she had read over like five times. She must have been staring at the same word for five minutes before she began to nod off.

"Lyssa?"
Lyssa sat up at the sound of her mother's voice, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Honey why are you sleeping on the couch? It's almost midnight." Her mother was kneeling in front of her now. Lyssa looked up at the clock and was surprised to see that it was 11:45pm.
"hey mom." she said drowsily, "i was waiting for you." she yawned.
"I'm sorry sweetie but i had a ton of work to do today." she said as she stood up to carry her bags and headed towards the kitchen and placed them on the table. Lyssa followed her, arms folded. "Joann called in sick and i had to cover for her."

"Does Joann have kids?" Melyssa asked. Her mother was rummaging through one of the shopping bags she had come back with. "what was that Lyssa?"
"Does Joann have any kids?" her mother shook her head in the negative and bent down to peer in a cabinet, brought out a bowl and bent down again " where did i put that... "
"Mom!"
Her mother stood up so quickly that she knocked the bowl over and it clattered to the floor. "what's wrong?" she asked looking around the kitchen and at Lyssa.
"Mom can you just... Listen to me? Forget about the bowl and the plates. Just... Listen. Please?"
Her mother looked at her and nodded. "okay. I'm listening."

Lyssa sighed, "I'm exhausted mom. I'm tired of being the substitute mother. You're not here all the time and... Well it's..." Lyssa struggled with words. "The twins need you mom. I need you. Their PTA... You said you were going but you didn't. I had to skip class and run over just to..."
"Lyssa."
Her mother spoke softly, almost as if she was whispering. Lyssa looked at her mother , she definitely looked older than Lyssa could remember. The dark circles under her eyes were more evident now in the low kitchen light. Her mother placed her hands on the kitchen table and looked up at Lyssa.

"I'm trying." she brought out a piece of paper from her bag. "This ... These cheques your father keeps sending isn't going to keep us going alone. I need more Lyssa, that's why i work."
"but mom..."
"Lyssa i know you're worried about me but..."
"you're missing the point mom..."
"Lyssa i get it."
Lyssa stamped her foot hard on the ground which caused her mom to stare at her. "No you don't! You're not listening mom! I'm worried about Tessa and Tony! They hardly see you in the morning before you go to work and coming back...? "

Lyssa pointed to the clock in the living room. "We want to have our mom back not just a mother figure. I'm trying to..."
"Okay just hold it there Lyssa. You have no idea what i go through every single day just so i can keep up with my job and you kids. You think i enjoy missing out on them?" her mother was fighting to control her temper. She didn't want to wake the twins. "I'm trying Melyssa."
"Well try harder. Ever since the divorce its like you're hiding from us. Like we remind you so much of dad that you just want to use your work as an excuse... " Lyssa said before she could hold herself. Her mother's eyes widened and she banged her fist on the table. "Get out."

Lyssa gasped, "Mom .... I'm sorry i..."
"Get out!" she screamed. Lyssa slowly walked back into the living room. Her mother turned her back to Lyssa and ran her fingers through her hair." You can't just make me feel guilty for no reason Lyssa, its... It's not fair." Lyssa stopped and turned to look at her mother's back. "I'm not hiding. If anyone is hiding it's your father." she began bringing out pots and banging them on the counter. "... neglecting his children like that..."
BANG! ".... Running with some fancy lady..."
CRASH!

A ceramic bowl had slipped from her hand and had landed on the floor. She stood there staring at it, breathing hard.
"mom?... Are you alright?" Lyssa asked running around the table and facing her mother. She looked frozen and pale. "Mom?"
"I'm sorry i....I Just don't know what's wrong with me today." she bent to gather the broken pieces. Lyssa looked around for something to put them in. Seeing a flat piece of cardboard in the corner, she picked it up and returned to her mom only to discover the floor and the broken pieces of the bowl covered in blood.

She looked at her mother's hands, they were covered in blood but she kept picking the pieces and clutching them tightly.
"mom..." Lyssa bent down and grabbed her mother's hands. "mom let it go..." she tried to pry open her mother's hands gently to prevent more damage. "Mom let go!"
As if from a trance her mother looked up at her daughter's face and then down at her hands. She gasped in horror as she opened her hands and watched the broken pieces of the bowl fall from her hands along with her blood. Lyssa took her mom's hands and slowly stood up, pulling her up with her. Gently she stepped over the glass and pushed her mother's hands into the kitchen sink, turned on the tap and watched as the blood and water flowed into the drain and out of sight. The clumps of blood disappeared slowly revealing deep cuts across her mother's hands. Lyssa grabbed a dishcloth and wrapped it around her mother's hands. Then slowly led her around the table to the living room. Her mother looked dazed all through.

"I'll be right back." She said. Her mother nodded and Lyssa ran up the stairs and straight into the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and spying a first aid box behind a couple medicine bottles, she grabbed it and took a bottle of painkillers. Closing the cabinet door she caught a reflection of her face in the mirror. Her emerald eyes stared back at her from sunken sockets and dark circles had begun appearing underneath her eyes . She was sleep deprived and it was evident. She pushed her Auburn hair away from her eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Great! Mom is probably bleeding to death and I'm worried about dark circles." she spun around and fled the bathroom, on reaching the stairs she took the steps two at a time, nearly loosing her footing at the last step. She saw her mother hugging her knees to her chest and rocking herself slowly back and forth like a child. When Lyssa approached her, she looked up at her and smiled apologetically.

Lyssa returned the smile nervously and sat next to her mother, placing the first aid kit on the chair.
"give me your hands."
Her mother stretched her hands toward her daughter and watched as she slowly unwrapped the already blood soaked dishcloth. Opening the kit, she took out cotton wool and dapped at the cuts. Her mother winced as Lyssa put some antibiotics on a piece of cotton wool and dapped it at the cut line across her mother's left hand. She bandaged it slowly and turned to the right hand which had more cuts. Repeating the process, Lyssa bandaged the hand and placed it slowly against her cheek.
"I'm sorry." she said. Her mother nodded as tears slowly ran down her cheeks. "Happy Birthday Mom."
The smile that radiated from her mother's face was so big it made her forget about the pain in her hand.
"Oh sweetie...." she reached out to stroke her daughter's face. "Thank you. A peculiar way to start a birthday huh?" they giggled and glanced at the clock.
2am.
"Well its a good thing tomorrow is Saturday." she said getting up.
"Lyssa?"
"Go right ahead mom, you need your sleep."
Lyssa stood and watched as her mother ascended the stairs. She sigjed and went into the kitchen. Grabbing a broom and a dustpan she set to work cleaning up the broken glass on the floor. The lid of the bin yawned open as she stepped on the pedal and dumped the contents of the dust pan into it. She stared at the gaping black hole for sone time. My mother's blood is in there, she thought. She lifted her foot and the lid slammed shut with made her wince and listen.
Nothing.
She released the breath she didn't jnow she was holding. She grapped a dishcloth from the rack and observed the bloodstains on the floor coming to the conclusion that her mon probably needed to go to a hospital after all. She changed her mind about the dishcloth and went instead to get a mop. She squirted some stain remover liquid from a bottle and began scrubbing with the mop.

All done she began to rearrange the shopping bags her mother had brought home with her. Stuffing some untouched into the cupboard and the rest on the kitchen counter. She sighed and threw back her head then she left the kitchen.

She climbed the stairs one at a time tracing a line on the railing. Heck, this house needs cleaning, she thought as her finger came away with dust. She shrugged. She wasn't expecting herself to clean the house. She crept past the twins room and saw the door slightly open. Waa Tessa sleep walking again? She retraced her steps and peered at the door, then ever so gently she opened it a crack. When her eyes had gotten adjusted to the darkness she smiled.

The twins beds were put together side by side and they lay across. In between the, her mother lay, hugged in front by Tessa and from behind by Tony. She closed the door and headed towards her own bedroom. She turned on the light and heard a disapproving scowl. She looked in the direction of the sound and saw the cat.
"Serves you right for going to bed without me Suzy. You lazy meow." she fell face forward on her bed and groaned into her pillow. Befor drifting off to darkness she felt Suzy's light paws on her back as the cat made itself comfortable on Lyssa's back. She had mo energy to shove her off anyway. Lucky you Suzy, she thought wearily.