Copyright © 2014 vrolli, all rights reserved. Do not redistribute under any other alias, do not distrubute under the "vrolli" alias without permission from the original author.
TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, ED, Suicidal thoughts
It gets better. You are NEVER alone.
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CLARA
Her motivation to get out of bed was no longer there. What was the point in getting up if you didn't have a thing left to look forward to? Shutting out everything and everyone seemed easier for Clara to handle.
She hated herself. Every small imperfection she had, she'd noticed and actively loathed. The way her nose dipped at the bridge and created a small bump, how only one of her ears folded over at the top while the other did not. Things others wouldn't notice, she wanted to change.
She often thought about ending her own life. Maybe that would bring the solace she so greatly sought out in her train wreck of an existence; the comfort of simply not existing at all. She possessed a strong longing for being numb. To not have to feel the emotions flooding her mind that prohibited happiness and forcefully held her down in the pit of despair her brain resided in. Breaking the shackles and escaping to freedom was all she had ever wanted, but could never have.
And the worst part?
Clara did this to herself. It was her fault.
The very reason she was so poisoned inside came to be solely because of her own choices, and that was what burned her the most. She couldn't cut the negativity out of her life and move on; it haunted her in the form of a ghost, climbing the walls and watching her every move. It lurked in her mind's eye and manipulated her thought processes, taking any control she had over herself and crushing it into a million pieces. She was a prisoner in her own body, the very body which had been chosen to become a vessel for the ghost that just wouldn't leave her alone.
The ghost's name?
Ana.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
If you weren't aware, Ana is a name used to refer to anorexia. Later on, you'll hear Mia (bulimia).
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