Flower Eater ; kth + pjm

3 ; 'not anymore'

"hey, where are you?" the voice says over the reciever in a rush, it still not registering in my head as to who it is. my eyes not even open yet and i know it's the absolute ass crack of dawn.

"what?" i reply groggily, turning onto my side as i hold the phone to my ear with a lazy arm.

"i asked where you were. nobody's seen you since yesterday morning, jimin. we tried calling you, texting you and hell- even yoongi called. he left voicemails at that and you know he isn't on his phone much, he barely even touches the damn thing. we were worried so answer my question."

with that being said, i sit up as i finally realize who i'm on the phone with. he sounds fully awake and it's, pulling my phone away from my ear to see the screen light up and show me the time before i put it back to where it was previously placed, i sigh, "it's 5:17 in the damn morning. you couldn't wait to call me at normal people hours? you know, sometime when it's not 5 in the mornin--"

"jimin if you don't answer my question, i swear to fucking god."

i pause for a moment and actually think about telling him but my mouth doesn't open.

"first you started ignoring me and i'd even go as far as to say you're avoding me. then you'd walk away whenever i tried to talk to you in person- always finding a way to squeeze around me, go the opposite direction, make me lose you in a crowd of people. i've tried to talk to you by call, by text messaging, by little notes on the fridge and i was even writing on the board in the practice room at one point but you just refuse to talk.. why is that? you just up and leaving like that isn't alright! it fucking scared the shit out of us, jimin! it scared me!"

"that's funny."

"....huh?" he sounds genuinely upset and with a bit of shuffling on his end, i hear a door close and i assume he just walked somewhere he can be alone. "what do you mean? what's funny?"

i stand up and walk to my bathroom, giving myself a good look in the mirror- running my hands through my hair, looking at the scars i have
from being a rough kid growing up that litter all different areas of my upper body and forearms. even noticing for the umpth time at how i've got eyebags that make my eyes look sunken in. how i've got frowning marks around my lips rather than ones that fork overtime from happiness and smiling. looking at how my lips are cracked, how there's dried blood in the corner of them, my fingertips a dull color seeming as if they're dirty almost and lifeless rather than red with life and actual blood pumping through them just like it is through the rest of me.

"i said it's funny. don't get me wrong, i am ignoring you- avoiding you-- yes. but i have my reasons. i'm sure you know them all too well, but if not then let me refresh your memory for you a bit best friend, yeah?"

"jimin, wha--"

"no. you're going to stay on this call and fucking listen to me, kim taehyung. you are going to sit or stand or kneel or squat or whatever it is you're doing right now and listen." i'm angry, seething with it i can feel my body temperature heat up but i'm not shaking. i'm not flaring at the nostrils and i'm not gritting my teeth or even staring coldly at something like i would usually do. i just don't have the energy to. "that night. you know what night i'm talking about because if you didn't then this wouldn't be happening. you wouldn't be talking to me right now, i wouldn't be somewhere else right now that isn't the dorm.. i wouldn't be avoiding you every chance i get. but i am. and the fact of it all is that you fucked up. i fucked up- we fucked up. i let my emotions and my feelings and my love and my adoration and my need for you run longer than i should have. i thought i would've been okay, i never thought that we would have done what we did. i didn't expect to be so deeply in-fucking-love with you, taehyung." the house is silent, the sun starting to rise and the light starting to peek through the cracked blinds of the windows. just like the silent house, where i can hear nothing but my own heart beating and my own jagged breath and the sudden sniffle, taehyung is silent too.

"i also didn't expect for you to fuck me the way you did say the things you did before waiting for me to fall asleep so you could leave. i wasn't sleep, by the way. i seen you get up, i seen you go in the bathroom, heard the shower running, i seen you come out, get dressed, put on cologne, dry your hair... i seen you leave. i seen you leave me, that night, on that bed, naked and alone. after what we did, after what you said- after what i said. did none of it matter? was i only a one night thing for you, did it not come to you at all at how i was reacting, how i was responding to you? the things i was saying to you, taehyung? 'thank you for loving me, taehyung.' 'thank you for being here.' 'thank you for all you've done.' 'thank you for being my best friend.' 'i love you.'. i know they aren't typical confessions of someone in love but your reaction wasn't typical either i guess. i'm starting to come to terms with being a one night thing, a good fuck from a good friend. it's killing me to know that it's always been one sided but i don't want you the way i did anymore. i'm stronger than that and i'll be fine on my own. i can handle myself and take care of myself and as long as i love me then i don't need anyone else to do it, right? so as of now, i don't have a best friend."

"jimin what's killing you- what the fuck are you saying--"

"i went to my doctor some days ago and he told me i have that... whatever the fuck disease that kills you from the inside. where you spit up blood and flowers that are supposed to reflect your love, you know."

he's quiet once again but i don't blame him because when i found out, i was speechless too.

"he also told me i'm not expected to live more than 5 more months. which is fine by me, living day to day the way i am is far too fucking painful and draining than i'm comfortable with but what i'm really saying is, i don't need you. i shouldn't have ever needed you but i did and i won't need you again. definitely not anymore, taehyung."