wanted.

maybe it's because you've never felt more needed, wanted. maybe that was why you agreed to go to the party. there were far too many people, but the people you cared for are all you see.

seated in the couch of your five friends, a red cup rests in your hands, but you don't drink it and smile and pretend to be as tipsy as they are, for you don't want them to think you're not having a bad time. you are, and you don't deny.

the dimmed lights and loud catchy music are not that bad, though you wrinkle your nose as one intoxicated girl begins to pull you from the couch and loudly proclaim that you need a good time. you don't have time to refuse because all your friends get up and surround you and pull you to the middle of the living room to dance.

you dance and dance and dance, though you're not even sure how to dance. you do a pretty pathetic excuse of a dance and wave your hands in the air like you don't care (but you do, and you're really scared). this goes on until you felt someone unfamiliar grab you by the arms and swing you around and you panic and push them off and melt into the crowd.

against the sweaty bodies, you grab one your friends, hailey, by the hand and stare at her with eyes that she could read so easily though mildly drunk and she she shouts you to go to the kitchen. you do as she says and carefully navigate unto said place.

beer bottles are placed on the dining table and one couple is making out on the counter but you politely look away, casually staring a memo on the fridge.

you can't remember whose party it is.

soon enough, your five friends barge into the kitchen and terry who is the drunkest of the group bumps his head against yours good naturedly.

"hey kiddo," he slurs, his unfocused but serious brown eyes staring at your face. "the party's pretty lame anyway, all the bedrooms are taken, let's bail." and you giggle and nod, and look at your other friends who agree with slurred tones and you all leave.

you leave to julian's house because he told terry that his parents aren't home and they have (quote, quote.) a shit ton of stashed booze in the pantry.

lizzie crows at that, and she lets out a loud whoop and to julian's house it is.

julian wasn't joking when he said that he had lots of alcohol, and since you trust your friends to not take advantage of you you also take a glass of wine and you make a disgusted face as you took a sip, because it was gross. they laugh at you but they ruffle your hair because they think you as the baby of the group.

(but they don't treat you as one, which is what you adore about. they treat you like a normal person who has a normal life and doesn't treat you like a costume trinket that can be easily replaced.)

hailey pours you coke instead because she doesn't want you to feel left out when they all raise their glass of booze when the clock strikes midnight and you thank her and hug her and inside you think to yourself how she doesn't deserve the pain she's going through.

dameon, the last of your friends but still equally important jokes how funny it would be if you got drunk from just that sip, and you reply it wouldn't be surprising, considering how low your tolerance for alcohol is and he laughs and raises his glass and downs it.

terry is laughing loudly with his arms draped over julian and lizzie as they begin to jabber about what drunk them talk about, and you sit at the kitchen counter smiling over their conversations.

"like, what is that about chocolate rain. it's sooooo mainstream. i'm gonna make chocolate fires, because i can." lizzie giggles.

julian guffaws and almost spills his drink. "we'll need a chocolate department, with chocolate marshals and stuff."

"it'll be a waste of time, 'cuz they'll all melt! m-maybe the fire... the fire will be struck at how delicious smelling the chocolate will stop burning your shit. they'll be like, damn. dat chocolate." terry goes on, and they all burst into laughter and you laugh with them.

soon as the clock strikes eleven fourty-five, hailey pulls you all out to the grass and dameon complains that the grass is still wet and it'll leave grass stains, and then you and your friends tackle him to the ground, and it's just a tangle of limbs.

in the midst of laughter and much complaining, you find your head tucked in the crook of julian's neck, hailey's arm around your waist and terry using your stomach as a pillow. you raise your head and peek at the others, and notice that lizzie is lying on julian's other arm and dameon on her other side. terry places his legs on hailey's stomach as well, and she giggles and jokes playfully that he's too heavy. he pouts and begins to wail that he needs to go on a diet, and you snort because you find it ridiculous because he's so skinny.

somehow you all figure out that it's 12 'O' clock when the fireworks start, and you and your friends holler loudly into the dark night sky, happy new year! and laugh and laugh as if there is no tomorrow, and julian places a platonic smooch on your cheek and you do the same to him.

you turn to your other side and kiss hailey on the cheek too and thank her silently for being such a darling friend. your hand pats terry on the cheek in which he nuzzles into, and though they all reek of alcohol you love them to bits.

now they are all untangling and hugging and you do the same, and lizzie places kisses on everybody's faces that leave a black lipstick print, but nobody minds. dameon hugs everyone and noogies their hair. julian kisses the girls' cheeks and does this funny handshake with the guys.

terry is drunk and leaves everyone sloppy kisses and hugs, no exception. and as if you are all young children you all cry out cooties, which causes another round of laughter. hailey takes her time and thanks everyone sweetly and hugs them (for she was so shy about affection).

when you do yours, you find yourself teary and crying when you thank them all for being wonderful friends, and you confess that you have felt so needed and loved. they all cry with you, and the alcohol has nothing to do with it.

finally, you all retire to julian's living room because the fireworks had ended and it was truly getting too cold. so julian goes and he returns with armful of blankets where everybody just sits next to anybody to cuddle.

and you're just so happy, to be wanted.

a/n: itS ONE A.M. HAPPY NEW YEAR I'LL EDIT TOMORROW GOD BLESS.

/face plants into pillow

this is dedicated to all my friends and family for changing my life in 2013, and made me much more confident in myself. there is still a long way to go, but i am incredibly thankful for all of those that still stand by me. for that, i dedicate this story to you.