Introduction:
Living the life I live is something crazy. I was a sweet girl throughout my years until I hit middle school. In six grade I fought my best friend/cousin and seventh grade my other cousin. What was the reason? Well there wasn't one really, they just wanted to take there anger out I guess. After that people stopped talking to me and started teasing and taunting me about my looks and weight. I wasn't the skinniest person but I wasn't huge either. I was a young lady that was light skinned, big boobs but no butt, long black hair that stopped under my boobs, pretty eyes that changed colors, and 5'4. To me I was your average girl. To others I was an abomination. They would call me "ugly" "fat" "big-bird". I let those words get to me and I started shutting down. I wouldnt talk to my teachers..my family.. no one. my daily routine was go to school, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep. A few weeks pasted and that changed to. I'd skip eating and just come home, sleep, amd go to school. Yeah I began starving myself but I just couldn't take the harassment. This went on for a year....
In eighth grade I met this girl named Rocio. She was African-American and Mexican. We shared background with each other and thats when I was introduced to cutting. It hurt at first but then it became my drug... I would cut my ankles, wrist, side .. EVERYTHING. I was addicted and it helped with the pain. But soon it wasn't enough I needed something stronger. I turned to cutting + pouring lemon in it. It may sound dumb but I liked the pain.. Eighth was also when I started getting beat by my father. He would choke, slap, and punch my in my head. My mother just watched and then wondered why I wouldnt speak to her. Mind you I was only 12-13 when all this happenend. .
1 Year Later:
The beginning of ninth grade I came back to school with short hair. Why? because I cut it to fit in with everyone else. I gained more weight and learned I was now a size 17 in juniors.. I hated it.. I stopped eating once again and instead of cutting I would run thru a cycle...
Get upset→Stop talking→Go in a room by myself→Pick out all my insecurities→Cry>→Get mad→And punch myself everywhere.
Everyday this would come up and everyday I wish God would take me away from this world. But he didnt.
A few months past and I found myself talking to a guy named Hasaan. He was chocolate, 6'2 and graduated... I was attracted to him in every way you could imagine. But to him I was fuck and duck. we talked for 2 months before he decided to take my virginity. I was scared. I told him no but he refused to listen. I screamed and he told me to shut up. he pinned my arms down and said "it wont hurt baby I promise"...He broke the promise. With my vision blurred he pushed into only feeding himself pleasure. Unprotected he took a gift that I can never receive again. I felt dirty, and any other words describing disgust.
But I guess that what I had to get thru to be where I am now......
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