24 Days

Chapter 1: November 30th

Her humming was haunting. It was a powerful sound, almost like the rise and fall of choir voices muffled by depths of water. Taffy was the only person I knew who could hum like that; like her insides were singing but the sound wasn't fully let out.

When I was younger she used to tell me that she was a mermaid, sent here on land to save us. And we needed saving, especially at the time when mum was more focused on drinking and having sex than taking care of me and Taffy.

And whether or not she was a mermaid, she kept her promise. She hated Brooklyn but she still stayed, even after she turned eighteen and Mum started taking care of us properly.

Then we moved to Shivering and she visibly wilted.

She still hummed to me as she brushed my hair but the music was different now. Instead of evoking a feeling of calm, it was melancholy and I would often be on the verge of tears by the time she was done. Not because I was sad, but because the sadness of the music seeped into my brain somehow and laced my thoughts with worry and my heart with dread.

I could have told her to stop, I know she would have, but I liked it in a way, like I was finally seeing a side of her that didn't imitate that of a mythical creature.

Now that she's gone, I feel bad.

I feel bad because I was the closest to her. I shared a room with her and heard her cry over her journal frequently as she wrote down her dreams or the events of the day. I know she wasn't happy and I never asked why.

Because that was something she always did; asking what's wrong, and I didn't want to take that away from her, but I was also scared shitless of what she might say was wrong.

So I procrastinated asking the question until she was gone; leaving the words 'seek and you shall find' behind her.

And I was too tired to dwell on them before bed.

I was too tired to brush my hair, or maybe I didn't want to. Because if I brushed my hair I would be admitting that she's not coming home tonight to brush it for me.

I'm not ready to accept her leaving us.

XXX

I'm in bed by seven but I toss and turn for hours before a sliver of sleep takes over my brain. My eyelids are heavy from crying and my head throbs painfully, even as it lies against the cool softness of the pillow.

I will tiredness to wash over me and lull me into a peaceful sleep. I close my eyes and try to regulate my breathing - my heart's been pounding all day. It's been a day of continuous heart palpitations and that alone is exhausting.

Being unsure and anxious and afraid is exhausting.

Before the clock strikes eleven, my phone rings. I leap out of bed and run to the desk, thinking it might be Taffy.

It has to be her. She always insists that calls should come in before eleven on a school night. Trust her to leave until the last minute to call.

I answer the call with a cheerful 'hey', not bothering to look at the caller id. She could be calling from anywhere in the world, anyway.

"Hi, Li, it's Elena."

Taffy calls me Li. She's the only one, in fact, who calls me Li on a regular basis. But the person on the other end of the phone says their name is Elena.

"Elena?"

My voice breaks as I ask the question and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.

"Yeah, from Touch? I'm one of the bartenders."

Her words are met with silence. Her explanation doesn't indicate why she would be calling me right before eleven.

"Black hair, fringe, brown eyes... Lack of boobs... any of that ring a bell?"

"Yeah, it does. I know who you are. I just don't know why you're calling me when I'm trying to sleep off a migraine."

I snap at her. I don't know if I mean to, or if it just comes out from general irritability. Either way, she doesn't deserve it and I follow the words with "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I didn't think before calling. I just wanted to say that the pairing list has just gone up and that we're together..."

"Great, just what i need."

I don't bother apologising this time. She may as well know of my lack of enthusiasm towards the annual dance mix performance.

"I didn't choose to be on the same team as you, Li-"

"Just go, ok? I need sleep. This isn't getting anywhere tonight. I'm not in the mood to talk; I'll end up snapping at whatever you say."

I draw a shuddered breath. There's silence on the other end.

"We can meet tomorrow before school if you want."

My suggestion is met with another break of silence even though my voice is gentler.

"Sounds good," she says eventually. "I'll meet you outside your house and we can talk as I drive to school."

"And Li... can you not tell anyone about this? It's just that my parents don't know and they would flip and..."

"My lips are sealed, don't worry."

She whispers thanks and I hang up.

I feel numb. The room feels too quiet now and 11:24 feels like too early to sleep.

I'm used to being full of emotions, like a kaleidoscope, tripping over each other and mixing together. Now I feel black, a black hole; a void that sucks up emotions.

The possibility that Taffy might call feels further away now; unreachable. And despite not being tired, all I feel like doing is curling up in the warm layers of my bed and pretending that Taffy is doing the same, in the bed across the room from mine.