Things We Never Speak Of

Destiny calling

"I suspect the truth is that we are waiting, all of us, against insurmountable odds for something extraordinary to happen to us." - Khaled Hosseini (And the mountains echoed)

There are few of them among us. 

They integrate themselves so perfectly into society until one day, the most irreversible metamorphosis takes place in the hidden caverns of their bones so that we can hardly deny their existence after this change. You can pick them apart from any street crowd; the colours of their clothes shine just a little brighter and their pixie tattoos are always tucked just little too far under their skin.

These differences make it hard to deny that they are with us, these so-called "Dreamers". Their presence in any space is a suffocating force but the good kind, the kind you wouldn't mind dying for. While they charm you with their magical flair and love for beautiful broken things, they creep into your life like a fatal poison, taking up all the space in your heart, leaving no room for blood.

Yes, they will be the death of you. They shall stand by your side sneakily disguising the symptoms of your terminal disease as virgin happiness right down to the time of your death; you will kiss them on the lips as the ghost of your final breath leaves your mouth, all the while oblivious to the fact that you have just blessed your murderer.

The thing with these "Dreamers" is that they do not like to be remembered. Instead, they prefer to steal whole chunks of memory reel and turn themselves into an unforgettable experience of a lifetime. They will steal your firsts but never stick around long enough to be your last. You are allowed only one in your lifetime and dare you try to have another, trust me, one is enough for ten lifetimes. Once you have held a dreamer girl in your arms long enough to inhale the scent of their fairy skin or touched the cheek of a faerie prince, life as you know it stops and will never be the same again. 

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We knew that our second would be a dreamer, her little head always stuck in the clouds.

But what we never knew was that our little dreamer would have darkness within her. A dark tumour growing in her soul giving her a terminal illness we though would never end.

She thought we did not see. She made it hard to see but a mother always knows. The violent outbursts and temper tantrums began at four growing into rebellious flares at 7 then dull emotions and sleepless nights at thirteen. I could feel my daughter in every gust of night air that rushed through her open bedroom window or in the emptiness of each small and orange plastic bottle. I felt her presence everywhere. I felt her tears through the corridor walls connecting our bedrooms.

Then fifteen came along. Her bedroom decor was stripped and sold being replaced with antique version of itself and sandalwood incense. Vinyl became commonplace and genuine smiles would find themselves etched on my little girl's face when she thought no one was looking. 

There was no party. Each year on the 21st of February, there would've been a party but at fifteen they ceased to exist entirely, retired to their deathbeds due to old age. Teenage girls became a rare sighting at the Sivu household compared to their frequent giggles that previously erupted from Asante's room.

The sound of the floor changed too. Subtly but noticeably. In the morning it always sounded of faint squeaks and scuffs from Samburu's trainers then the  thud of my husbands leather loafers. I always expected to hear the moaning of the wooden floorboards under the weight of Asante's heavy tread soon after but instead, I had began to hear the whisper of bare feet dancing on the polished floor.

After the 21st, the faint acoustics of tuneful songs floated in through the perpetually open bedroom window, floating in from somewhere amongst the budding tea bushes. Maybe, just maybe, my daughter had found the light to consume her darkness and blossomed into the dreamer she was meant to be. Little did I know that Asante's newly found inner peace would threaten each thread of my sanity; yes her inner darkness had been set free, little did we know that it had found a new home and settled within each of our unsuspecting souls

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Author's note:

Sorry for not writing in a long time, I've been extremely busy with school (boarding school) but I'm back home for the Christmas holidays and I will try my level best to fulfil my promise of a chapter a week. I would also appreciate any feedback whatsoever.

Goodbye my sweets!