I walk into the bathroom and take out my shaving razor and a pair of scissors. I put the scissors in between the blades and pry one out. I slide down the wall and start to cry, how did it come to this? How did I come to this? I roll up my sleeve and press the blade into my skin, pausing to take a deep breathe before sliding the blade across my wrist. It stung but I knew I had to do it. I did 3 cuts on each wrists, looked pretty deep. I opened the cabinet up and take out my moms old pain medication, 500 mg. I open the bottle and pour out 8 pills, taking them one by one I start to feel numb in my legs. As my blood pools on the floor and my vision starts to go black I hear my mom rushing in "Iden? Are you- IDEN!" I hear her rush to me as I pass out. Please let this be it...
My eyes open, shit. I'm in a hospital bed, how did they save me? I guess the nurse who I didn't know was in there saw my confusion. "You're probably wondering how you made it, we almost lost you, had to pump your stomach and stitch up your wrists. Your moms downstairs in the cafeteria, she's a wreck." The nurse walked out and I looked down at my wrists, stitches and bandages followed by iv's flowing meds into my arms. Why couldn't I die? Why, after 3 tries I thought I had finally done it, but still it wasn't enough. "Should have cut deeper.." I hear someone chuckle in the corner, "You really think that?" It was another patient in the bed next to me. "You wanna know why I'm here? My dad beat me and threw me down the stairs. You're lucky you didn't cut deeper, you have a life ahead of you." I looked down at all the white bandages keeping me together, why am I lucky if I am always in so much pain? I mean I know my life is better then that but don't I deserve to be happy? Death would make me happy... The door opens and my mom walks in, "Oh you're awake! I brought you some soup.. a-and a muffin. Oh I'm so sorry I didn't help you more sweetie. This is my fault." "No mom this is my fault, I'm the one who did it." She set the food down and carefully hugged me. "How you doing buddy?" My dad said as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm okay, I mean I'm not but it's okay." My mom started to cry a little and my dad rubbed her back. "Oh Erin called, she was worried about you." Erin was my best friend since 1st grade. "Can she visit?" My dad nodded and went into the hall with my mom, ushering Erin in. "Dude, again?" She walked over and sat down on the bed and grabbed my hand. "Never again, promise me." I shook my head "I c-can't" I said my voice breaking. "Iden you're on of the lucky ones, you made it. If you had died, I don't know man." I look down at my hands and feel tears welling up in my eyes. "But its so hard, to live this life..." "I know it must be hard to live with your symptoms but you gotta try to work with life. You're my best friend." I shoot my vision to her "Symptoms? You mean schizophrenia, chronic depression, and minor bipolar disorder; those aren't symptoms." She smirks "But you still get my point, you have to learn to keep going despite your issues. Your life is going to get better, I promise." I try to cheer up but fail, "Erin just shut up and hug me." I sling my arms around her and my shoulders relax as I breathe in the familiar smell of Old Spice and coffee. I suddenly feel weak and groan in pain at my wrists bumping against her arms. "You're weak buddy, get some rest. I'll be back in a few." Erin pushed me back softly and patted my head before walking out of the room, as the door clicks closed I drift to sleep.
