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Part II

Part II:

I awakened underneath Christopher, who was already awake. He ran his fingers against my skin, under my tank top, with his head resting on my chest. He always did that when he was thinking about something.

“Something on your mind?” I asked softly.
He looked up at me before shaking his head.
“Nah,” he replied.
“Yes, there is,” I began running my fingers along his freshly cut hair.
“It’s nothing… I’m just getting my mind right for a few things,” he answered.
“What kind of things?” I inquired.

He was silent for a few seconds before answering.

“Us.”
“Oh,” was all I could say.

“What about us?” I asked.
“How fucked up I treat you sometimes,” he answered.
“It’s oka--.”
“No, it’s not okay… I don’t even know why you settle for me. I don’t even know why you take care of me,” he interjected.
“You took care of me when I needed someone most, Chris. The least I can do is take you in every time you come over,” I replied, caressing his face.
He sighed.
“I have the worst hangover,” he rubbed his head.
“I’ll get you some aspirin, okay?” I spoke.

He nodded before I slipped from under him and from the bed sheets.

I walked into the bathroom, grabbing the aspirin before going into the kitchen and grabbing a glass. I filled the glass with water before dropping the alka-seltzer in. I then returned back to the bedroom. I handed him the glass before he sipped the water.

After a moment, he put the glass down on the nightstand, on a coaster.
“Thank you, Hazy,” he smiled weakly.
“Do you remember anything from last night?” I asked, sitting on the bed, next to him. 
“Not really… I remember the drive home because that’s where everything was blurry, but nothing after,” he answered.

My heart sunk.

He doesn’t remember telling me he loves me. He doesn’t remember me saying it back. He doesn’t remember the kiss we shared…

It saddens my heart when I think about it, but the only time his walls really come down and the bricks and steel are stripped away is when he’s too drunk or too high to remember it the next day…

“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I inquired.
“You looked like something was bothering you,” he replied.
“Oh, no. I’m fine,” I shook my head and looked down.
“Hazel, I’ve known you long enough to know that something’s wrong,” he told me.
“Nothing’s wrong, Christopher,” I told him.
He stared at me for several moments before asking a question.
“Why do you feel like you have to lie to me? It’s a simple question.” I sighed.
“I’m fine, Chris. I’m fine,” I reassured him while caressing his face.

He took my hand into his and kissed my palm.
“You can tell me anything. You know that, Hazel. Why have you been putting up your walls lately?” he inquired.

“You put them there when you built me,” I thought.

“You just make me feel some type of way, sometimes,” I answered, looking down.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
“You know what I mean,” I answered.

He stared beyond my pupils and into my soul, reading every little insecurity and self-doubt that I had. Apparently, when he built me up, he put in a glass wall that only he can look into, but what he didn’t know was that I was a complete glass house. I was standing, and I was standing tall, but the smallest little stone can break me down… He didn’t know it, but I knew he was pretty close.