Pensive [Pansy Parkinson] ✔️

i. crash & burn

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER AND I NEVER WILL.
A/N: please VOTE, COMMENT, AND FOLLOW ME. FIRST BOOK. HURRAY!

×××
PRESENT DAY

i. crash & burn

When the storm passes,
you say that they were just words.
But why do they shatter me?

You said them like casual greetings,
but why would they dance around in my head like dull neon signs?

How could you have fed me these lies so easily?
And why did I ever let you?

Was I always some beggar?
Did I only deserve love when I kneel for it?

The truth hurts.

But the memories hurt worse.
They were inside, deeply engraved.
Like letters on a marble headstone.
So terribly permanent.
It became a part of me, like a second limb.
And erasing them
would mean decapitation.

Now,
with my heart laid so bare,
in its state of brokenness.

Would you still take it?

My mind is tired of the thoughts that
amplify the damage,
My eyes are running dry,
And everything feels like a tragedy.

I wonder now why I had cared so much?
Why couldn't have I cared just enough?
Why couldn't have I cared less?

Maybe he was the love potion
Or maybe I was just foolish.

Maybe it was his platinum hair,
Or his trademark smile.
Maybe it was those silver eyes,
Or maybe it was just him.
Simply him.
All of him.

And he was always meant to consume me,
like a great tornado devastating a village.
I never stood a chance.

Or maybe I was just weak.
And he was my weakness.

One look from him and all fades,
The sound of his voice taking the air
out of my lungs and replacing them
with butterflies.

Maybe he was just incredibly overwhelming.
And I was too distracted to keep up.

Merlin knows I tried to stop
and I couldn't.
Tried to leave
but all I want to do was stay.
Tried to detach myself,
but I am just so helplessly submerged.

The little voice inside my head laughed,
clicked its tongue in dismay.
"You've lost."
It said.

I knew it wasn't completely true.
But what's meant to happen, will.
And if there's ever one thing I've learned, it's this:

You don't ever regret love.
No matter how painful it is.
Because if you have to regret something, regret not taking the risk.
Regret never knowing what might
or what could have been.

In the end the little voice whispers in sad concern,

"She is just a girl
with a penchant for boys
who break her apart,
and throw her away like broken wands.

But in the end,
she found out
She was capable of love
and it was more than what she wanted."