I wish to die // or do I?

Sad boy with sad thoughts

Growing up is always the hardest part in life, I still have no idea what I'm doing and every week goes by faster and faster. It has turned into a whirlwind, most of the time I'm too busy to think about being sad as if I don't have time to be sad.

The case when I'm alone and without friends and just in bed with my thoughts is when it growing up and not feeling lonely is hardest. When I say lonely part of it is not being part of a relationship but I have plenty of relationships I have many friends, I don't have anyone just for myself though I feel that's what I crave... that's what I need. I hate that as I don't like one person being in control of my feelings then that makes everything even harder.

If you ever feel lonely think of me I'll be lonely too, there are so many lonely lovely people don't feel like you are the only one. It's not like this forever I can't go my whole life being lonely it will come around love and fulfilment will find me, now I feel I am missing something and writing about it is making it worse which is a first...

To be continued

I'm back, my current boss told me there are no successful that are unorganised he talked about every successful person having a plan it isn't just luck. The unlucky thing about that is I have never have been the type to have plans it always just happens and works out. Growing up you need a plan it helps out so much more than you see knowing what you want drives you, be driven more driven than me, now I'm not living... just in bed being down and out once again.

I'm trying to be nice to my life and I hope it starts paying off, something needs to happen sometime soon, my entire life I want something to happen to me I need to be ready for it, I feel I'm getting there...