To touch, to feel, to love...

Untitled Part 1

To touch, to feel, to love...

I have no birth, I have no death, no pain, no hunger, yet I am cursed with feelings, desires and a heart which is as human as can be. It was frustrating at first to exist as a ghostly entity. Maybe there was a time when I too would've been human or maybe not. I seem to vaguely remember a few memories of wanting to be seen, to be talked to but as time passed they faded off. For ages I've been in the cold embrace of solitude, watching people go about every day as I stood by the side lines watching.

Life, what is life? I live, but for what cause? Is this life? Am I alive? Questions that remain a paradox still dance in the back of my head, funny isn't it? What is life to you? I am curious, do you feel content or are you ghosts of something else? I forgot you can't hear me can you?

I once happened to see someone interesting, she was a human. It was a gloomy evening, I was sitting on a small tower thinking that maybe the sky understands me and maybe it's empathizing for me. This girl happened to be sitting a bench by the road and she was writing something on a pink little note pad. She tore the page in dismay, crushed it and put it in her sash and did this a few times before slipping the notepad back inside and singing a sigh and walking away. A couple of pages laid on the bench and well I found time to go read them, ok I had nothing better to do but to go read them. She'd written an elegy on her relationship with solitude, I laughed because little did she know she's only seen solitude a mile away while I enjoyed moonlight dinners with it. I followed her to see how well she knew solitude.

She always looked dull her face had no glow, though she looked pretty like a fading white rose. She reached her apartment or better said an oversized cardboard box. She went to a corner of the room which she called a kitchen and ate something that remained from yesterday's dinner I suppose, and just flung herself on her messy bed and began to talk. She said "I know you're watching... so pleased at my pathetic state aren't you?" I literally jumped out of fear and asked if she could see me, well I later realized she had the habit of talking to herself and nonexistent beings.

I watched her every day. Her days were like a rehearsed play she'd wake up in the morning finish up her chores, go to work where she would be scolded on a regular basis but it had no effect on her, she'd come back to what she called her home and make a meal that'd last her till the next night. But her nights were amazing, she'd talk so many interesting things to the eagerly listening walls, she'd write pretty elegies about her own little world and sing them so very sweetly.

She was so very pretty, by pretty I don't mean her face but I mean her, she was pretty. So much so that I'd fallen for her. I'd forgotten I was a something like a ghost and she a human. Even though she was alone, there might be someone who'd love her and set ablaze her heart with his warm embrace, while I go unseen, unheard and unfelt. It was then that I cursed my fate the most!

All I wanted was to touch, to feel, to love...