Chemo

Five

I laughed hysterically with a snort coming my way. Garett was tickling the hell out of me. Usually, if you tickle me, I beat the living crap out of you. But for Garett, it’s different. He doesn’t tickle me to watch me wet my pants, he does it to see me laugh, which is apparently the greatest thing you can let him listen to according to him. I finally pushed him off my bed where he finally stopped.

            He hit my cluttered filled floor with a thunk, but instantly popped back up.

            “That was just cruel!” He said putting his hair back to its normal charmingness. I giggled a real high pitched, annoying noise that sounded like it could have came from  a five year old.

            “Sorry!” I laughed covering my mouth. He looked down to see one of his bracelets on the floor. I quickly caught a glimpse of the part of his skin on his wrist not covered by a bracelet. The scar was healing, it was light pink. Garett picked up the bracelet and put it on hiding the pink scar once again.

            He sat next to me on my filthy bed and held my hand. I smiled, but I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering and staring at his wrist.

            By what Garett told me, he started cutting in sixth grade when he got bullied for bringing his popular crush flowers on Valentine’s Day. Apparently, this girl had a boyfriend and he beat Garett senselessly to this day. Even after four years, he still thinks he deserves going through pain, which puts a shiver up my spine every time I think about it.  He follows my eyes to his wrist and looks back up at me.

            “Sorry,” I whispered getting chocked up. Just the thought of him getting bullied out of doing something kind and sweet just make me so confused and angry and just down. Because he did something romantic he has to suffer for it every day.

            Garett’s grip on my hand tightened. A single tear fell down my cheek. He took his other hand and wiped it away. He then put his fingers through my long, light brown, and for me personally, poop colored hair.

            “Max?”He spoke lightly. I looked down trying to get my act together, “Look at me.”

I closed my eyes at first, but then I rose my head to lock eyes with his. I hate crying about it in front of him, he hates making me feel bad, and I just hate crying in general.

“Max, baby don’t cry,” He held my head with his hand, using his thumb to wipe away my tears. I held his hand tighter.

“I..I just want to be able to help you somehow,” I closed my eyes and I started to break down into frantic crying.

            “No, Max..no, no, look at me. Please look at me,” He insisted. I chocked down my tears and looked back up at him with misty eyes. He looked to me with concern and love in his deep blue eyes. 

            “Now don’t jump to conclusions.”

I didn’t understand what he meant until he started taking off all of his bracelets. I shut my eyes closed. I could only imagine what his wrist looks like without bracelets. I would think it would look like he got thrown into a meat grinder.

            “Max? You’re jumping, now open your eyes.”

I hesitated at first but I slowly opened my clapped shut eyes. It took me a while to get use to the light but it finally came into focus. I was astonished.

            White lines, the thickness of a finger nail were on his wrist. The pink scar, the size of  one third of my pinky finger. I quickly counted the total number of cuts. Five. Only Five.

“Garett..? This…This is amazing..I…I’m proud of you..”I rambled in amazement.

            “Max..” He looked at me, his eyes pulling me to him. I stared at him, happy as anyone could be. He laughed slightly.

            “I never really told anyone this, well, whose to tell other than you, so, here it goes: The day we finally kissed and were committed on being steady..I stopped cutting, I’ve only relapsed once since then. But it was only once, and I’m not planning on going back,” I looked at him in tears, happy, overjoyed tears. I laughed gratefully as those happy tears ran down my cheeks. Garett laughed too. He took both my hands and held them tight to his chest.

            “You see, Max, you mean the world to me. And doing this I have the world to lose. Your all I really need and you don’t force me to change, you make me want to change for myself. I guess what I’m trying to say is, well, I love you, Max, and if I do something stupid with this shit and it’s fatal I’ll lose my everything, my world, my universe…you.”

I was left totally and utter speechless. To take in all of that, that poetry. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the mass emotion and truthful he delivered. I couldn’t  stop feeling so special, like who I am is important.

            “Words cannot even begin to describe how much you mean to me Garett. If you ever do something fatal I swear I’ll…I..I swear..” Without realizing it until the last second, I continued to creep closer and closer to his lips. He smiled, his perfect teeth sparkling brilliantly.

            “Or else you’ll die?” I smiled back, centimeters from his lips.

            “Exactly.”

            That one word turned into a kiss. A kiss that I would never forget because that was the time in my life where everything seemed perfect, but the world became dark with regrets and pity when my universe began to crumble under his own weight.  I became a spectator in a life or death situation that I wish I could stop, but I had absolutely  and completely no power agianst it.