The decision to leave Seattle was not an easy one. Gow could it be ? Leaving Alex and my friends behind after all they did for me seemed wrong. Terribly wrong. Never in my time at Seattle Grace Mery West had I imagined leaving like this. Without a word and nothing for anyone to hold onto. It sounds selfish but this was the easy way for me. A clean cut. A new start. Alwx would get over it. It would take him some time but he would manage. He has survived worse. Way worse. But i needed a clean cut. I needed change. If that meant leaving, I had to go. After all this is the place where we lost people. But also the place where we saved them. This is the place where i fell in love. This is the place where I lost love.
And above all, this is the place where I battled for my own life. It's a difference. Saving your own life compared to saving someone else's.
Every step i took through those hospital doors the memories came flashung back into my mind. I tried to ignore them. It worked, usually. But on those days where it didn't i was lost. I couldn't talk about it. Not to anyone. Not to Alex. Especually nit Alex. He would get all worried and wouldn't leave me alone the rest of the day. I am fine now. I guess I am fine now. I am a soldier and I am figgting. I am a machine and I am working. That's life. But I don't want that anymore. What I want is peace. I don't want to worry about any of my friends dying anymore. Medicine and being a doctor has always been my dream. It's what i though for. My escape has always been surgery. Beung a doctor. Most of all saving people. I want to be the best I can be and I have realited that I can't be that here. Change is the only solution.
Helping people ? Yes
Being a doctor and doibg surgerys ? Maybe
Staying ere battling my memories ? No
It may be cruel and I miggt come off as the most selfish thing izzie stevens has ever done. But for once I need to do what I have to do. I need to do what's best for me. And Alex needs to find a person that loves him unconditionally. A better person than me.
And that is why my suitcase is now packed in front of me. That is why I will leave everything behind.
I can do this.
YOU ARE READING
After Grey's
FanfictionEver wondered what happened to Izzie Stevens when she left Seattle ? How she found out and raised Lilly until the day she reappeared at Grey Sloan Memorial ? Find out here in a small one shot collection. (Prequel to my fanfiction "High Hopes")
