TALES FROM HELL-Volume 2

Me, Robot

I started suspecting Brewster the other day.  He does not act like everybody else all the time.

Something is definitely  worng.

I can't pin-pointed it at the minute, but the Brewster model robot is surelu malfunctioning and must be reported.

I made my way down to the Bereau of Investigtions and gave them my report

"But I tell you that he does have some strange behavior!  For instant we all put on pants on one legat at ime beginning with the left leg.  'Ol Brewster puts his pants on, sometimes jumping into them and at other times witht hre right leg first.  No robot can do that.  It is not programmed."

"That could be a glitch Mr. Pike.  Many robots suffer from it ane may display 'odd' behavior from time to time."  The Council answered.

"Yes, but we all chew our food 36 times, that is programmed.  I've seen Brewster chew his food maybe on 30 times are even more 70 times!  That is odd behavior for that is just not programmed!"

"Mr. Pike we should warn you that reporting other robots normally does not require any investigations except the ones that we do.  We are programmed to handle these so unless you really see something that may warrant our interceeding please try to do enjoy your life and live well and prosper. 

And Mr. Pike, you must have at least 5 discrepies for us to do an investigation.   If you get anymore evidence you are welcome to visit our office again.  Thank you, come again!"

I stormed out of the office.  There was something strange about Brewster and I was going to prove it.  He was malfunctioning and I could be arrested for any 'bad behavoir' he might display for he was my roommate  and thye might hold me accountable for some of his actions.

No way!  I wasn't going to jail for nobody.  Especially a robot.

It was 2053 and robot now worked side by side with humans.  I hated robots with a deep passion.

They walked among us just like us!  They were doing all the 'shit jobs' that the humans would not do.  They only 'ate' and 'drank' for show for it really was not necessary for a robot.  ANd they wre super strong, aged slowly, and could remember most anything.  You could have a robot  to do just about anything for the right price. 

 But the robots were strictly programmed for a certain task and only that certain task.  To deviate from that task in anyway was a malfunction.  Since the incident of 2020 when one robot went berserk and killed 400 humans in one hour, a restriction was put on all robots.

"Now if a robot malfunctioned it had to be reported to the Bureau of Investagations if he did it more than five times or had 5 malfunctions of a different order."

I was escorted out of the building.

Damnit!  I needed more proof!

I had my phone with the camera.    I know.  I will spy on Brewster and see if I can catch anything on film!

I hid in the small garden right outside our kitchen.  I could see into the small kitchen window.

There was Brewster again fixing dinner looked liked.  He had the radio on and he was singing to the tunes.

"SINGING!?  Robots can't sing.  Not one robot is programmed to sing.  Boy I had to get this one down, but I could not get the sound on my phone being outside.

And Brewster 'pranced' into the kitchen.

PRANCED?  Robots can't dance.  THey ar programmed to do a certain tsk, some two or more, but the task always have to do with work and singing and dancing was not part of the program it was way to expense to have for it to be spontaneous.

Haaa!  I got the evidence that I needed now and I had it all on camera.

Of course there was a monetary gain to be had for reporting malfunctioning robots and that would not hurt either.

I returned to the Office of Investigations with my report.

"Now look at this!"  I said.  "He's pracing around like Peter Pan!  I tell you this robot is malfuncting."

The Council looked at my report in silence.

"One moment, Mr. Pike."  They said and retired into the back rooms.

Within minutes they returned.

'This is a very progressive report.  Did you learn this?"

"No.  I just knew what to do automatically.  I'm a law abiding citizen and as a human I don't mine robots living and working with us, but I want a safe environment for all.  You don't want no malfunctioning robots out there, remember 2020!"

"You are so right, Mr. Pike.  We cannot have malfunctioning robots in our society."

With that a couple of big male nurses seized me.

"WTF?  What is going on here?  You need to go and arrest Brewster!  What are you doing to me?"

"We are deactivating you Mr. Pike.  You were highly adavanced and we gave you up to 5 task that you could actually learn and do.  Not like the mere one program for most robots.  But you exceeded our hopes and expectations and developed a six task on your own in Investigations.  That is to be congrated, but it shows us you can put together complex electrical circuits for yourself and actually 'program' yourself.

"THAT WE CAN'T HAVE!"

"Programmed?!"  I said.  "Since where did you program human beings?"

Then it dawn on me.

"Come on!  You got to be kidding me!  You all are a bunch of fucking liars!

They seized me by both my arms and the other guy had a big syringe in his hand.

"THERE JUST AIN'T NO WAY I AM A ROBOT!"

But it was too late.  I was shot with the needle and my circuit boards shut off  instantly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mr. Peterson?  This is The Council of Public Investigations.  Your robot has been seized by our department for a gross malfunction.  We should have him returned to you in a couple of days fully functional with no errors.   Your Account will be charged $15,000 for the upgrade. Thank you for your patronage.  Have a good day!"