[ZaynMalik] Change My Mind

One.

When I was younger, living in the ghetto was like having a stamp on my forehead that I wasn’t going to get out of there alive. If you live in the ghetto, you die in the ghetto. And for a while, I believed that was my destiny – to remain in the ghetto until I either got shot in a drive by or I got old and died in my sleep. It was something that people couldn’t understand. No one knew how a white family ended up in the ghetto. But, things happen, and people screw people over and sometimes that leads a person to lose everything he has worked for.

I learned at an early age that the only thing you really need in life besides family is loyalty. Maybe it wasn’t the right kind of loyalty, but the loyalty I saw was strong. It was amazing how loyal people were to each other. While I knew that honesty wasn’t a huge factor in that loyalty, I knew that in real loyalty, loyalty outside of a gang, honesty was important. It’s how I've lived my life ever since. It’s all I've been. I've been honest and loyal, to everyone who treats me with the same respect.

“Hey, we’ll see you when you get to London.” My mom leans her body against the doorframe, a smile gracing her lips. The wrinkles on her forehead aren’t as visible when she smiles, all the wrinkles that came from nights worrying about the safety of her family. Turning around to face her, I force a smile, because I've never been away from my parents for this long. There are over a hundred dates on this tour, and the entire tour is six months, including the few days off we’re granted. “And I expect a postcard from every city.”

Sighing softly, I nod my head, wanting to tell her that I want to go on this tour and that I'm excited, but my mom can see right through all of my lies. She always has. We would spend a lot of time together, in the house. I don’t remember us spending a lot of time outside. “Do you like the house?” It took a while to get all the money we were promised from the contract, but I got it, and I spent it right away, moving my parents away from the rundown house in the ghetto into the right side of the town, where they belong.

It took a lot of convincing on my part to get my parents to agree to let me pay, but it became easy when my siblings started begging to move into a new house. He wants to repay me, my father. I know that he can; he finally landed a job that actually has to do with his degree, but I don’t want him to pay me back. I told him that raising me and pushing me to chase my dreams and being my role model was enough. It was the first time I saw my father cry.

“It’s a beautiful home, Stella. I could never thank you enough.” I know that she had a hard time accepting the gift as my dad did, but I had always told her that I would buy her a house that we deserve. “I'm proud of you.” Looking at her, I raise an eyebrow, confused as to where this conversation is going, because I've never doubted my parents’ love for me. “I know that you're not thrilled about this upcoming tour with One Direction. But, you're a good person, Stella. There’s no reason for them to think otherwise.”

Biting down on my lower lip, I shrug my shoulders, because I know that there are ways for them to think otherwise. I'm not going to jump up and down and proclaim my love for them when I meet them like they're used to now. I'm not going to go out of my way to hang out with them. I'm not going to be anything other than myself. “I'm glad that you like the house.” I want to call this place my home, I do, but as messed up as the neighborhood was, it was my home. It’s going to take a while for it all to sink in that we’re finally out of the ghetto.

While I'm not obsessed with the band, I know who they are and simple things about them. My younger sister is telling everyone who talks to her that I'm touring with them. It’s clearly the coolest thing to her. I wish it was the coolest thing to me. I just, I know that I should be excited to tour the world with One Direction. I'm excited to tour the world. And while deep down I'm somewhat excited to finally meet the five of them, I'm too preoccupied with all the things that can go wrong.

It’s new to me. I've always worried about things, but I've never really worried about what people thought about me. I knew that would change when Jaded City got famous, and I was somewhat prepared to care about what bloggers and fans had to say about us. I never realized that I would care so much about what One Direction thinks about me. I'm not there to mooch off of them or pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm there to tour the world and perform because I love singing. That’s all I'm there for. I'm not interested in them thinking the three of us want to be seen with them just to get more fans.

I would hate that. That’s not the type of life that I would want to live. And I know that once we tour with them, with an act to huge, we’re going to slowly live that life as well. We’re going to be mobbed and not be able to walk anywhere without people taking pictures and people surrounding us. I knew when I signed the contract to our record label that my life might turn out like that, but I never thought we would be as big as One Direction.

Sure, I would imagine what it would be like to finally beat out the biggest band in the world. But, it was fantasy. And now that it’s real, it’s scary.