Living The Mind

Morning's

           *Beep', Beep', Beep'*

Went the alarm clock.
   *Knock, Knock*
Went the door as the beeping stopped.
"Wake your ass up."
A womans voice said as I heard the door open and the fan turn off.
"Bu-"
The woman's voice cut me off.
"I ain't gonna make it!"
I said as I forced my mouth open to talk in a loud voice.
"Yes, you can!"
She yelled back.
"Okay okay I'm getting up See look I'm up!"
"That's what I thought you better be up and better stay up!"
She said, as she was walking out the door. I yelled in a soft tone but, loud enough for her to hear me.
   "Hey, Mom is the coffee ready?"
"Yeah, I just fixed some, now hurry up and get your ass ready!"
She said with deep tone in her voice as she was still exhausted from being so early in the morning.
     I stummpled out of the bed onto the floor and rose up out of my room to the coffee pot which was in the kitchen. The smell of the burned coffee traveled through the air and into my nose as I made it to the kitchen the light over the sink was already on and as I  grabbed my coffee cup by the stacked dishes near the sink. I walked around the counter to the coffee pot. Steam rolling from the top of the lid. I picked up the  picture of coffee and poured the picture into the cup and mixed the black coffee with the spoon that was already next to the coffee pot, with some creamer inside my cup. I  mixed the coffee with the spoon and I looked to my left at my parent's dark room right next to the room was another door that lead to the bathroom that had light coming from the outlines of the door. I took step into the room and turned my body to the right.
"Hey, Mother!"
I said with a happy but, tired voice. I was standing by her bathroom door knocking with one hand. The other hand with my coffee. I knocked, no reply.
"Mother. Hey. Hey. Hey. "
My voice got louder. The knocks got louder to grab her attention. I knew she heard me speaking.
"What the hell do you want?"
"Can-"
I stuttered.
"I have a  cigarette please."
She replied with rumble in her tone. .
"Hell no I only have two more left  you can't have those, ask your dad for one."
I turned my body to the right and faced the bed. He was already awake as I saw the shadow of his body. He already knew what I wanted as he was bending down at the side of the bed picking up his pants. Grabbing for a black case where he kept his cigarettes. He threw the cigarette towards me I caught it.
"Here, take it and go get ready, that's my last one I'm gonna give you!"
My dad said in a grumpy voice.
He put his head back down on his pillow.
"Thanks."
I whispered  as I stepped out of the room into the kitchen and walked by the bathroom I looked over my shoulder towards the stove. The stove read.
-6:50 A.M-
"Shit I can make it."
I whispered underneath my breath.
"Arizona, Hey get up!"
I yelled as I was making my way to the bathroom door.
"I dont have to go to school!"
She yelled back, as I shut the door to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet I yelled back.
"Okay, whatever!"
As I sat on the toilet drinking my coffee puffing on my cigarette minding my own  business I started thinking.
-Oh my gosh I have to present today in first period. What if I  stutter or like start shaking and saying the wrong words and they start laughing at me. What if I miss the bus and Mom & Dad yells at me for missing bus.-
My hands got sweaty. My left leg started tapping. Everything got blurry. I rubbed my head to make the thinking stop. Rubbing my eyes too. The good thing was I was sitting down.
*Bang, Knock*
My back curved as the loud noise on the door scared me.
"What, dude Mom  I'm getting ready. Give me time!"
I said aggressively, I didn't know where that came from, but it slipped out.  I already knew that was her by the door Because, the rest of the family was asleep.
"No, your not dude!"
She mocked me back the same kind of anger I felt towards her. I turned my head right staring at the white bathroom door and rose my voice.
"Hey, don't dude me!"
I said with a smile talking and facing the bathroom door. I did my  business and fixed my hair, brushed my teeth. My cloths were still behind me from the night before when I laid my cloths out. I put the cloths on just about to walk out of the bathroom, and, I turned and looked in the mirror for a minute staring eye to eye with the same guy looking at me. I got closer to mirror not touching the mirror I didn't wanna smear  it with my sweaty hands. I saw black-ish brown-ish eyebrows. I saw  big brown eyes staring back at me. He had big black rings underneath his eyes. His nose was a triangle shape. His lips chaped from the morning . His face tan like  peanut butter. It felt like it was the first time that I really got to see me.
-Is this me-
I asked myself. A little voice said back inside my mind that sounded like mine.
-You don't know yet?-
"Whose talking I said."
"Whose talking I said."
The voice repeated back with out no words coming out of my mouth
"What don't I know?"
I said back with out my mouth moving or any sound coming out.
"How can I do this?"
I said.
"Can anyone else hear me inside my head? Or am I going crazy? Maybe I'm going crazy."
I said as I mumbled under my breath.
I got ready and went to wait on the bus stop. I walked out of the house down the steps and to the bus stop.
"I can't drive yet, my grades are to bad to get my permit"
I said to myself.
-Well get your grades up-
"Don't tell me what to do."
I said to the voice in my head, with out any words coming out of my mouth or any sound comming out.
-You are me and I'm you, so face it-
A quick smile came with that comment.
"Oh yeah try me."
The bus got closer as it was moving faster. With red flashing lights.
It stopped right in front of me. One step I took the next I was on the bus.
"Why is everyone staring at me?"
I asked myself inside my head.
-Your face well just look at it, its ugly no one is gonna help you with that. That uglyness stays for ever-