Drown

I was aware that this was going to be the last time I'll let my skin soak the rays of light emanating from the yellow sphere. I didn't have any remorse. I embraced the sun with open arms and I felt a smile creep onto my face.



I knew from a young age that I wasn't like the others. I was an odd child, slightly weird and a tad mysterious. For the longest time, I sensed that this day will come. And I spent my life preparing and anticipating it.



The day has finally come.



Today is my birth day. I am sixteen years of age. Most teenagers throw a sweet sixteen for this day. Ironically, I, instead, am going to end my life. I'm not afraid. I'm thrilled.



I've never understood the concept of celebrating birthdays anyways. It just seems wrong. I guess you could say that this was my way of celebrating?



I'm not afraid of what happens after death either. I'm not even a tiny bit frightened, despite the fact that I still didn't have the answer to what happens after death. But it doesn't matter, I was ready for it. Ready for whatever was to come.



I'm not crazy, I was certain of that too. I wasn't suicidal either. I never cut myself nor did I ever tried to kill myself before. I wasn't affected of a terminal disease either. No childhood traumas. No pain has caused this. I've never experienced any big unhappiness with my life.



As much as I tried to find a reason for why I have this need to commit this. I couldn't come up with any. My whole life I've searched for the answer. I've never found one. It's just something I have to do and I always followed my instincts and my urges.



Ten years ago, on my sixth birthday, that's when the thought of ending my life came to mind. Ever since, I distanced myself from my family. I've been saving them any pain they could encounter at my lost. I'm not even worried about them, we hardly talk and I haven't shown them the slightest emotion for years. It might seem cruel but it was for their own benefit and happiness. Once they noticed the change in me, they didn't have any other choice but to send me to many psychologists. They were worried for my mental health. They gave up after a while. I wasn't very responsive to any psychiatric treatment. I didn't talk much, but I said enough for them to refrain from locking me up. My parents even brought a priest at our house and baptized me. The funny thing is, they aren't even religious. They were desperate. I felt bad at first and I wanted to comfort them. Surely I couldn't tell them that I was planing to off myself at a young age. They would of freaked. As I grow older, my lack of emotion and attachment to them, didn't bother as much. They got used to it and didn't expect much from me. We didn't have any sort of relationship. They put a roof on my head, food on the table, and money in my pockets. To repay them, I don't cause them any sort of trouble, I stir away, and I excel academically. I also never had any friends nor social life, because I simply kept to myself. And I couldn't be any happier about it. I have no guilt and regret. Nothing or more like, no one, to hold me back.



I stand at the edge of the bridge, I was done with reminiscing my short existence. My time is almost up. I wanted to jump a the time of my birth. I wasn't any bit nervous. The bridge was closed for construction since a while now. Apparently, the old the bridge was in danger of collapsing. The few construction workers are currently on their lunch break, which makes it easier for me. I'm the only one here. No one could avoid my fate.



I hadn't realized that I was slightly holding my breathe. I puff it out immediately. I was safe. I turn around, there isn't a single fly around to stop me. Relief washed over my face.



I glance quickly at my watch. The screen informs me that it's 12:23. I had two more minutes left. I felt as if I was fulfilling my destiny.



I grabbed the railing and ushered myself onto it. I give a quick glance to the sparkling water far bellow. I never thought that these tiny tides could look this welcoming. I was excited. My adrenaline was pumping. I wanted to jump now and end it all right away. I could already feel the wind rushing in my ears, my splash in the water, the current wrapping around me, and then the black. The total obscurity. As my eyes shut from the impact and my body shuts down right after. I fight against my urge. As I wait shortly for my time. It feels as if I was waiting for this moment a whole lifetime. I glance my watch for the last time. It's time.



I closed my eyes and I jumped.



It feels as if strong arms wrapped around me. I wasn't expecting the feeling to come this fast. It feels as if I dropped hardly a second ago. I didn't feel much of the rush. It's like I got sucked right away into it. That's when it hit me. I'm alive. This was a terrible mistake, I'm not supposed to survive this. Everyone who has jumped from this bridge has suffered instant death. I don't understand. I start to panic. Suddenly a voice interrupts my frantic thoughts.



I hear a voice screaming in my ears, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"