You Are My Light {Larry Stylinson}

Chapter 5: Copper

In some respects, Louis had preferred being alone. When he had no one bar his family, he had complete dedication to his thoughts and his music, the music which soothed him so at any moment of distress. Now, having bonded so quickly with the young, beautiful, happy Harry Styles; he didn’t feel as alone as he was so used to, but he was still undecided if this was a good thing or not. At times he just wanted to be alone once more, so he wouldn’t have to experience the pain of Harry inevitably leaving him, then the other half of him enjoyed the sensation of… friends.

His thoughts then reluctantly left Harry, and moved onto Claire Bryce, the kind-hearted girl in Louis’ year who took it upon herself to approach Louis and offer support for no other reason other than to help. His heart swelled whilst recounting the moment in his head. Yet he shook off the memory quickly, angry at himself for sinking into memory; a technique which he had taught himself not to do for fear of coming across something triggering, something which would hurt him.

As he came back to reality, he recalled his surroundings. He was sitting at his usual, small, little table in the corner of the canteen, near no one in particular. The seclusion reassured Louis, which worried him slightly, yet he chained up the worry in the back of his mind. What human being craved isolation and felt joy at being completely alone?

‘A fucked up one.’ He answered himself, somewhat sadly, almost as if he was beyond trying to be sardonic, but stopped when he realised the truly pathetic life he was leading. Today wasn’t one of his good days. It was a Friday, the end of his first week back at college, and it felt like a year had passed already. In one respect, it couldn’t have went any better; he had a person in his life who had an aura of vitality and happiness that enshrouded him, and anyone near him. He had a kind-hearted girl who worried for him.

Yet the dark voice in his head began to murmur quiet whispers of doubt into his ear.

‘They think you’re insane.’

‘You’re a basket case.’

‘All you are is a pity friendship.’

The thoughts, the ever dark thoughts, dragged him down. They sapped the goodness from Harry, instead of picturing him in his golden aura, his mind made his friendship out to be a lie, and his happy, friendly side was simply a front, disguising an ulterior motive which was yet to be revealed.

‘You will never be happy.’ The voice whispered finally, before dissipating like vapour into the fathoms of his mind, as though it had never been there. In his battle with his mind, he had taken to staring blindly out of the nearby window, but let his head drop to his lap as he fought back tears at the truth of the final thought.

Today wasn’t going to be a good day regardless. He didn’t have chemistry on a Friday, so he wasn’t going to see Harry. He caught a glimpse of him sitting on the opposite end of the canteen with a group of his mates but he quickly looked away before drawing any attention to himself from either Harry or his friends. He could imagine the raw jibes;

"Watch out Harry, the fag has his eyes on you."

Little did Louis know another group had their gaze completely focused on him that entire morning, with nothing but sinister intentions circling their mind.

*

Just as the morning bell rang for first lesson, Louis slid up from his seat and exited the canteen quickly, keeping his gaze solely on the floor to minimise witnessing any of the stares which were bound to be glued to him. He didn’t even bother looking for Harry; he knew he was too busy with his proper friends.

Today was a day where he would have himself, and only himself, and that was fine for Louis. He could cope. He had coped for the full year before, he was going to do it now. He made his way towards his Geography classroom in silence.