BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*
"ah what the fuck!" "It's the fucking first day of bitchass school!"
After five minutes of my beautiful complaining, I finally pull my ass out of bed and waddle to the bathroom.
Just before I open the door, it swung open and something tackled me to the ground.
"AHHHHH" I scream louder than all those hoes at Coachella that get it up the ass. As I tried to wiggle my way out from under this fat ass piece of blubber on top of me; my eyes fall upon the 'something' crushing my body. I came face to face with a dark red ski mask and a deep laugh.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT" I screamed as I roll over and stood up. I huffed and looked down frowning at the still laughing boy on the ground and quickly leaned down and kicked him in the balls. His screams of pain were followed by banging downstairs and footsteps, I took that as my cue to throw one last smirk at the now groaning piece of shit on the floor and quickly walk into the bathroom.
I'm gonna spare you the boring details of me getting ready, but I just wanna say I got in the shower and almost pissed myself because it was so fucking cold. But then I pissed myself anyways cause I pee in the shower all the time, I mean who doesn't? If you just thought to yourself that's gross, you're lying to yourself you,piece of shit, everybody pees in the shower, it's like a standing toilet.
So I know you are all on the edge of your seats wondering what I'm wearing. Well let me amaze you all by saying I am in fact wearing *drum roll*..........clothes! Gasp! Whamo!
I started down the steps to go inhale my breakfast, when I heard a high pitched screech and then the loud shrieks of 'pierce the veil' blasting down the hallway from Eugene,my older brother's, room. I stopped walking with a huff and looked down the hall only to see the countless family pictures lining the wall vibrate and rattle every which way. Eugene's faded black door that sat in the middle of it all, seemingly shuttered under the heavy pounding of the base and all but fell off its hinges.
I rolled my eyes and yelled, "CRABS SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TURN THAT SHIT OFF!" I heard a loud thump from inside the room and then the door cracked opened. Crabs poked his head out only showing off one of his black rimmed eyes, he mouthed 'kill yourself' then slammed the door causing the sign on it that says 'emo is not a phase' to fall off. I rolled my eyes and continued slowly down the stairs.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my parents and younger brother with his ski mask still on sitting at the table.
I quickly walked to the fridge to grab my yogurt and stood there not wanting to be near anyone. I was eating in peace when I was disturbed by the sound of my mothers voice saying "well good morning to you too", I nodded and mumbled a "good morning Kim" she smiled and started talking to my dad about the new Blacklist episode that was on last night. Suddenly, the room went quiet when we heard a loud 'fart sound' . My mom quickly stood up waving her fork around, accusing my little brother Reid of shitting his pants, when my dad started laughing behind his newspaper, my mom quickly snapped her head towards him and said "it was you!" I started laughing and then made my way to the front door to grab my backpack. On my way over to the door I yelled up the steps "LETS GO CRABS!". A few seconds later he appeared at the top of the Stairs and ran down the steps saying "sorry I had to turn my smoke machine off". Simultaneously, I heard my dad grumble under his breath "why the fuck did we buy him that Kim?" . Crabs aggressively shoved passed me and called out "Its part of my aesthetic, fuck off dad" .
I quickly put my fist up to my mouth to muffle my laugh as my mom's face flushed with anger. Reid who didn't try to hide his amusement towards the situation at all; slowly looked towards our dad and followed with a "yeah, fuck off George".
My mom's already red face morphed into pure rage as she spit out her coffee on Reid and yelled "watch your mouth young man!". I cut in quickly "I hate to end this nice family moment, but we gotta go, adios."
Me and Crabs quickly ran out the door and to the car. The screaming and then muffled glass shatter from inside was our cue to get the fuck out of there.
I jump in the drivers side saying to my brother "remind me why you don't have your license again, your older than me?"
"I'm protesting the mainstream radio and their bubble gum pop hits that brainwash and promote a delusional message that everything is fine and dandy, when all it gives is death and darkness." he said with a hair flip. I groaned and turned on Hits 1 just to annoy him. I pulled out, blasted the radio and was off to the Seventh Dimension of Satan's Ass Crack also known as my school.
When I got to the school parking lot, I got in line to get into my parking space, pulling up next to Marge the crossing guard. I flash her my 100 watt smile and she returned it with a crooked smile and a sly finger wave.
Ya see me and Margy have an understanding, beside our shared hatred for the average human being, we have a little agreement. She gives me the best parking spot at the high school and I slip her the workers discount at Al's Discount Slurpy Lot. It's really a great system we have, I mean it's been working since sophomore year.
I pulled into my parking spot sloppily, hoping that it pissed the people next to me off. I started my hike to the front doors of the school. Crabs was not to far behind me, but getting farther away with each emo word emitting from his headphones getting softer and softer until I could barely hear it.
As I walk up to the doors my principle Mr. Sylvester greets me saying "Good morning!" ,but I just ignored him and kept walking not really caring to even looking up.
I walked to my locker and saw a piece of paper that said welcome back on it, I ripped it off, and threw it on the ground. The girl who was snapping her gum, next to my locker suddenly turned to me and said in a really pissy tone "that's littering".
I turned to her slowly "screw the hell off" . She huffed and stomped away muttering something about 'polar bears dying' .
Someone had already managed to piss me off in the first five minutes I've been in this school. But then I saw my friend Sunny walking towards me with her usual scowl.
