Facts About Me, NBBA_Girl!

Fact 54 (May be Triggering)

(You don't have to listen to the song, I just put it on because it means something to me and could mean something to other people)

I was severely depressed between the ages 10-15. I had moved and my grandmother wasn't taking her medicine that somehow effected her emotional status (I'm guessing their some sort of depression pill because she has problems with depression). My family fought constantly, I had friends who used me, a father who never spoke to me unless he was forced to or I was just conveniently there, my uncle and grandmother bullied me on my looks and my weight and I was also bullied in school for being short, ugly, and have buck teeth. I was angry all the time, I ripped things apart punched things, but the pain I felt was never seen on the outside. I cried myself to sleep, I fought with my grandmother, I grew to hate my mother because she was the one that had moved us here. I hated people because all they wanted to do was use me for no good reason.

I'm 20 now, I love my mother dearly, I have reconciled with my father, my uncle doesn't pick on me. I have few friends, but who've remained loyal to me and understand how I work as a person and vice versa. I'm happy with were I am, despite I lost a few good friends who I once devoted my life to, I only talk to my father when I need to (I know where I stand with him), my family doesn't fight as much anymore. Looking back on those horrible years I am happy that I never did anything that I wanted to do. I remember talking to my mom about it, she actually read a few of my journals that I had left out one day when I was visiting my father and grandparents and basically said that I was suicidal. I never spoke to her about what I wanted to do, how badly I wanted to hurt myself or even stop existing, but when she saw just how hurt I was enduring through those years and how she held me for the longest time, I was so glad that I never allowed myself to succumb to my wishes.

The moral of this sob story is that everything end and to pull through whatever hell you are going through, remind yourself to find a different point of view. That's how I got through it, I didn't let the stress and my self hatred take me to where I wanted to go, I just kept finding a reason to wake up the next day and not put a knife to my skin. I know it's easier said then done, but I hope that you remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that out there somewhere someone loves you. Like me. 

Keep living and Love you guys! <3

P.S. This may sound chummy or me being too emotional, but I seriously teared up thinking about just what I went through. I know it's not all that bad and it's nothing compared to what others go through, but it meant something to me and it brought me to where I am. I hope that one day you will find yourself looking back with a bittersweet smile and thankful to have your life. If your already there, I hope you think that everything you went through was worth it because it made you stronger.

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