Let Me Go ✔️

Chapter 17

I gripped the porcelain rim of the toilet with my hands and lurched up the contents of my stomach from the day before. Which hadn't been much. Max's funeral. Max's funeral was today. My stomach tried to force me to spew whatever I had left in me. Hot tears were streaming down my face and I pounded my fists down on the tile floor. "No." I pleaded out in a low mutter. "Please, God, no."

I heard the bathroom door swing open. It was 5:50 A.M. I hadn't expected anyone to be awake this early. "Nova?" Angelina's voice spoke softly through the sounds of my cries. "Are you in here?"

I scooted over to the stall door and opened it, but remained sitting. "Yeah." I responded as her head peeked into the stall.

She walked over and crouched down again. "Are you sick again?" She asked in a concerned voice. I nodded. "Nova, you've thrown up every day for the last week. You run out of the room every morning; you've had to run out of classes." She stated in the same concerned voice. "I know you're upset about Max, but this is taking a toll on your physical health." She added. "I think you should go to the doctor and get some anti-nausea pills so you can at least keep food down."

I shook my head quickly back and forth. "No, no. I'm not going to the doctor, I'll be fine." I replied. She gazed at me with worry. "The medical bill... I can't afford that right now."

She shrugged. "Well, maybe your parents—."

"No, Angelina!" I shouted louder than I intended. I looked down. "I'll be fine after this Max guilt wears off." I added; my eyes still locked onto the floor.

She put a hand on my shoulder. "I told you that it's not your fault." She reminded me. "Max wanted to save you."

I shook my head. "Some of my last words to him were, 'leave me alone', 'I hate you', and 'never speak to me again'. I said and chocked back a sob. "Do you know how horrible that makes me feel?"

She smiled sympathetically. "I can imagine; but there's nothing you can do about it now." She stated in a soft voice. I nodded. "Now," She pulled a tampon out of her sweatpants pocket. "I've been bleeding throughout this whole conversation." She stated with a chuckle and rose to her feet. "Oh, thanks for buying more for once. It's not fun when you use them all and make me search the room for them every month."

I gave her a small smile. "No problem."

Classes were cancelled that day for Max's funeral. A lot of students who didn't know him were thrilled because of this, and it made me sick. Emotionally and physically. I looked around the quad in search of a garbage can and ran to the nearest one; somehow managing to discharge up some bile even though I hadn't eaten. I looked down at my black, funeral attire in case I had gotten any on it. Luckily, I didn't. I had been walking with Silas and he walked over to me and rubbed my back. "This is hard for all of us, Nova, but you need to think about your health. You're dehydrated. You need to eat something." He spoke in a quiet, soft voice that matched the one Angelina had used in the bathroom that morning. "You need to remember that this isn't your fault. Max wouldn't blame you at all and Jude and Killian are behind bars." I remained silent. "Now, let's go to the cafeteria and meet everyone." I nodded and walked with Silas to the cafeteria. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a stick of gum from the package that was almost gone.

We entered the cafeteria and I saw Angelina, May, and Kyle sitting at a table in the center of the room; they too were dressed for the funeral. Angelina and May had saved me a seat between them and I sat down with a small smile for them both. Silas sat down next to Kyle and Angelina. Angelina leaned over to me. "You need to eat something." She told me in a whisper.

"I'll get here something." Kyle spoke in a worried voice. "What do you want, Nova?" He asked me. My eyes were focused down at the table and I gave him a small shrug.