My Head: A Dark Place

school

      I tilt my head up just enough to see them. A group of boys, the ones I used to wish to be. One flinches his shoulder to keep his backpack from falling off his shoulder. That wouldn't happen if he used both straps on his bag.
       Quick look down they can tell what you were thinking that. Put up your hood, they won't see who you are, now look up casually. No, not like that, can't you do anything right. Put down your hood down. Wait, stop, no one else has their hood up your just attracting attention.
      I bite my nails.
      Stop that, you look disgusting. Just stand by the school. Now lean as if you aren't thinking about anything but if you finished your homework. Even though their are a million thoughts flying through your head, you can't let them know that.
      One girl twirls her hair across from me. Her hair looks like its been straightened. It's very smooth, unnaturally smooth. Her fingernails are painted pink. A very bright statement I thought. Not one of her nails are chipped, there's no hang nails anywhere in sight either. She probably doesn't do any work. And she most likely never will. She will find a husband that will command to her "honey do" list without a second thought. My thoughts get interrupted.
"Umm do you have a problem?" The unnaturally straight haired girl says.
       Say something, quick, she thinks your weird she'll tell everyone one you have problems they'll all laugh at you. What are you doing, speak!
"Uhhh, umm, ummm no, sorry"
" thought so"
      She walks away.  You blew it! Another opportunity to make a friend, GONE. What's wrong with you. She walks over to her group of friends after a moment they all laugh.
      They are talking about you because you're weird, because you're nothing.
      Finally the bell rings. I walk into school. There are so many people in the locker room. Stop it you do this every day, obviously there's a lot of people, that's because you're at a school in a city, get used to it already.
      Just get through school, ignore him, just get through school, ignore him.
      Are you that stupid.  You repeat that dumb sentence in your head everyday. I'm not going away, I'm never going away.
                                                 
                                                        *****

       The last piercing bell rings. I walk to the locker room then out the door.
        You have therapy today, your mom is here to pick you up then leave you in a small cramped office with Sarah the woman you meet with every week who does nothing for you.
"Shut up! She wants to help me." Oh no I said that aloud. Everyone around me looks up, then they whisper to their friends and giggle.
        Great you blew again. I guess that method Sarah gave you about standing up to me out loud isn't working out so great is it? Now not only are you the weirdo loser but you're the weirdo loser who talks to himself.