My Head: A Dark Place

therapy

"How was your day today" my mom asks as I get into the car.
"Fine" I say that everyday.
"Are you sure?"
          She says that everyday.
"Yes"
          Its kind of a ritual , she know I'm lying so it doesn't bother me that I am. She starts to drive.
          Oh no, not this again. We're back I this death trap. Thousands of other moving vehicles on hard cement going extremely fast. Sounds smart!
           I start to shake, the car didn't use to terrify me but now that he's here it does.
" Relax Jacob, I know you don't like the car, but you go in it everyday, there's no need to shake. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you."
          Oh shut up! You know she doesn't mean it right?! She has to say that. She doesn't care about you, neither does Sarah, I'm the only one who truly cares about you. I KNOW whats best for you.
           I just have to ignore him, nothing he says is true.
"I  know, sorry"
           Liar, what you know is that I'm right.
"Its OK sweetie just please relax, you're going to be alright we are almost there."

                                                                                        ***
          I walk into the office. Sarah is sitting in her leather chair that I doubt is that comfortable. I sit on the tan couch that has pillows that are shade darker then the couch itself. Everything in there goes together
"Hello Jacob, how are you? Did you have a good week?"
"It was fine I guess"
           Don't tell her anything
"How is Kyle"
           Is she talking about me? Ha! Don't you dare tell her anything bad about me, cause you will regret it.
"Better" I lie.
         I look at the tile ceiling. In the corner there is a water stain. Its kinda shaped liked a tree. On the wooden rustic looking table beside me there is a glass of water. I suppose its for me. Sarah has one herself. She takes a sip out of it. She puts her pinky up as she drinks. I wonder if she does that on purpose, so that I think she's professional or classy, or maybe she does it subconsciously.
          Stop looking around. She probably thinks you're crazier than you actually are. If you don't start making progress soon you'll be here forever. You're costing your parent so much money by being here, they just wanted a normal kid, NOT you.
"Jacob, honestly is it getting better?"
          I don't want her to know that its not getting better, but I don't want to keep secrets. I look around as if avoiding the question then nod. Trying to make it somewhat obvious that I'm lying. She's a therapist she should be able to tell. Right?
"OK."