If I Still Don't Know

Her POV (It could be anyone you like but I'm just going to state a name)

I woke up with my eyes tired. I looked at myself through the mirror. I looked like a total mess. Last night i kept on crying. I don't know whats up with me. I don't know why i'm like this. I don't know if I'm crazy or something. I........ I don't know. I don't know anymore.

I can't go outside looking like this. I thought. Well i guess i should call in sick.

I took my phone and called my bestfriend. The only person that i know understands me.

"Hello?" she picked up. "Hey Macy. Its me" it was silent on the other side of the phone "Oh hey loser." She stated. I furrowed my eyebrows "Excuse me? Loser?" I asked "Yah. You are a loser right? You thought i was really a friend of yours? Think again. I'm not. I just used you to gather some information to embarass you. You never really had friends. You have no one darling. And you will never have someone. Anyway, i have to go. Don't even bother to call or text me again. You understand? Loser?" She said. My heart was shattered. I felt tears pricking in my eyes. "Bye nerd" she said then hung up. I felt my blood boiling. I was angry. I threw my phone to the side really hard. My hand were shaking in anger and pain. I cried and cried like it will never stop. I went to my desk then start to scribble on a paper. I always do this when i'm hurt or something. I don't cut myself like other people but i also attemp to. I have blades in the bathroom but i only used them once. I always liked writing. I liked writing my thought. I even wrote a story but it never had a happy ending. I also wrote poems. I write song too. I always pour my emotions in those. It also made me feel relaxed. After writing, i read it through for once or twice then put it in my notebook.

This was my poem:

My side of the bed is wet, with last night's tears
Still shaking and trembling with all my fears
I still don't know what I'm gonna do
I still don't know what i'm gonna say
If its possible, I just wanna cry it out, if i may

I started thinking if i should love them.
Or should i just leave them, to the dawn
Should i just believe, that they're all here, lisntening to me?

Everyday i start with a new cry
With my eyes real red and just make another sign. A sign to make them realize, the pain, that i'm going through. Show them the scars that they made, if i should

I just want to know, the truth
The truth that i'm waiting for.
The truth that i'm looking for.
The truth that proves that they love me like the way before

But i lost hope. I lost hope in everything. I lost love. I lost love in eyeryone. In everything. In everyone.

Yet i still believe that they still have that love. That love they have for me to give.
Guess i just need to wait.
For them to give that love that i await.

Or should i just give up. Or should i just give in. Just cut myself. Just hang myself. Just kill myself.
'Cause i still don't know, if i should live. 'Cause I got nothing else to give

I started writing again. But it was not a poem. It was a letter. A letter of goodbye. It was my goodbye to everyone. I put the letter on my bed along with a white dress and my notebook that was full of my poems.

I've decided. I went to the bathroom finding my blades. I started to cut myself. The cuts got deeper and deeper. Blood was flowing through my arm. I started to feel dizzy. I knew then that there's no turning back. I knew that i already lost a lot of blood. With my last strength i stabbed myself.

"Angel!" That was the last thing i heard before i turned into total darkness. It was his voice. The voice of the guy that i didn't knew that loved me. Until now.

I looked at him from above. I saw tears falling down his cheeks. He was standing infront of my grave.

My grave. I thought.

I was dead. I never knew that someone really loved me. I was happy now. I ended up in heaven. I never did wrong. But now i do. I ended being an angel looking after my loved ones. I was about to fly back when i heard his voice again

"I love you Angel. I wish you knew that before you died."  He said and the last tear fell down straight to my grave then he left. I felt tears fall down my cheek. I didn't notice i was crying. "I love you too Greg." I whispered. That was the last time i heard him.

But that was all 5 years ago.

I was a seventeen year old angel then. But now, i am a twenty-two year old angel. I was happy through out those five years. I gained new friends. Real friends. I was just enjoying my life there. Sure i think about Greg sometimes but i just want to be happy. I never heard him again. Nor heard any news from him.

Not until now.

The End