Last Love | Book 3

Chapter 28

(Jennifer)

Josh mixes the sauce together with the pasta on the stove, as I watch from the table. I've been wanting to eat pasta for weeks, but now I feel too nervous to eat. "Are you okay?" Josh asks, walking over to me and stroking my hair. "You've been acting weird all day." He states. "No." I whisper, shaking my head. "Um... can we talk about this when we're alone?" I ask, glancing over at the kids. "Yeah... of course. I'll be right back to talk." He walks over to Cole and Ava. I watch him whisper something to them, then he glances over at me for a second, before leading them out of the room. He returns a few minutes later. "There watching cartoons in the living room. It's turned up loud they won't be able to hear us." He pauses, looking over at the living room for a moment. "So, what's going on?" He asks, looking back at me. "Um...." I start, unsure of what to say. I should've told him earlier. It was stupid to wait like this. I uh.... I..." I stutter. "Jen, seriously what? You're scaring me now." I look up into his eyes, preparing myself. If I say it, it's real, and I'm going to have to be ready to accept it. I don't know if I'm ready or not, but I have to try. "I took a pregnancy test yesterday because I wasn't feeling well." I say. "Yeah?" He stares at me, waiting for me to tell him the results. "And um... turns out I'm pregnant. Not sick." He looks confused for a second, then he smiles. "Really? Jen, that's great. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I mean I'm a little surprised but obviously I'm excited for you, for us. Who wouldn't be? I'm sure Ava and Cole would love to have a new baby brother or sister, but we should probably wait a while to tell them just to make sure we do it right, huh? I can't wait to tell our parents. They always get so excited about this stuff." He goes on and on, not giving me a chance to say anything. "Stop!" I interrupt, stoping him mid-sentence. "Just stop talking..okay?" I sigh. "I don't want to hear you go on about how happy you are, like this a such a good thing for everyone." He looks shocked, like I just smacked him in the face. "I just can't handle this right now." I get up and walk towards the stairs to our bedroom. "Jen, wait! Can you explain to me what's wrong please? I don't understand why you're so upset." I ignore him and keep walking. "Jen! What the fuck is your problem?" He yells, reaching out and grabbing my arm. I rip my arm away from him and turn to face him. Tears start to build up in my eyes. I shouldn't be crying right now, but I'm so frustrated I can't help it. "I don't want this! Is that so hard for you to understand? I'm not excited, I'm not happy, and I don't wanna hear you talk about it! I didn't want to have anymore kids, but now I am, and I don't want it! I don't want to go through this again, I don't want things to change, I don't want any of this, so just stop! Stop talking to me! Stop looking at me! Just leave me the fuck alone, Josh!" He stares at me, looking hurt. I start to walk away but he steps in front it me, blocking my way to the steps. "I didn't know that you felt that way, okay? But I'm gonna need you to keep your voice down. In case you forgot, we have already existing children who are only a feet few away from us and they're probably terrified because of you." I glance over towards the living room where our kids are sitting. He takes my silence as a chance to continue talking. "Look, Will you please just sit down and have dinner. You can yell at me all you want later." He says. "Fine." I grab myself a plate and put some pasta on it. "But I'm not eating dinner with you. I think I'll take my dinner upstairs, tonight." I walk past him and he doesn't try to stop me.

I curl up on our bed, eating my dinner alone. I'm not even sure what I'm so mad at Josh about. It's not his fault. I just couldn't stand how nice he was being, as if it never occurred to him that something might be wrong. I finish my dinner and set the empty plate on the nightstand. Then I curl up with our blankets in the middle of the bed and take a nap. I get woken up by Josh walking in. I sit up to face him and run my fingers through my hair. I have no idea what time it is, or how long I slept. "Are you still mad?" Josh asks, hesitantly. "No." I shake my head. "Good. I don't want you to be mad at me." He sits down on the bed, next to me. "I understand if you don't want another baby. I should've considered that before. I know it's a lot to handle." He pauses, watching my reaction. "But I want you to know that I'll be there for you. Always. Whatever your decision is. I'll support you and I'll help you through it, because I love you." I smile. "I love you too." I say, without hesitation. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I'm just scared, I guess. Even after I've done this two times before I'm still scared. Having a baby changes so much and it's hard to be ready, because it's so unpredictable. But, Josh, I didn't mean any of that, okay? I want it. I want it so much, and I want it with you. I want to have another baby with you and I want to teach him or her how to talk and love  them and be a family just like we did with Ava and Cole." He smiles. "Really?" I nod. "Yes." He pulls me in for a hug and I hug him back. "I'll always be there for you, remember that." He says. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind." He laughs, hugging me even tighter.

A/N: I FINALLY UPDATED!!! The next chapter will be published in about a week or so, just a heads up, but after that they'll be regular updates.