Phone call in the middle of the night
Friend: are you sleeping
Me: No I'm skydiving
Walking into a restaurant
Waiter: would you like a table
Me: no we'll eat on the floor.
I don't hate you it's just that my attitude as problems with your personality
Why do we feel safer under blankets it's not like a killer is going to come and be like: I'm gonna kill you- ah crap she's under the blanket
When you have ten tabs open and you can't figure out which one the music is coming from.
Do five sit ups
Me: where are my abs.
The moment of fame when your name is in a math problem
Sarcasm is the bodies natural defender against stupid.
Reading a post on TeenagerPosts on tumblr and thinking: Story of my life.
Me: hey can I have a sip?
Friend: sure
Me: gulp gulp gulp
Friend: WTF
Heard you were a PLAYER well I'm the COACH
That moment when your laughing so hard you try to stop and then you look at the person again and start laughing all over again
Waving hi to security cameras
Me: I'll do my homework at 7
Clock: 7:02
Me: Oh to late I have to wait until 8 now.
That moment when people pair you up with the person you dislike most
The moment when you look at your friend start laughing because you know what they're thinking.
I love finding money in my clothes it's like a gift to me... From me
