Living with Fibromyalgia.

How Did I End Up Here?

Chapter 1: How did I end up here? How did this become my life?



It's always best to go back to the start to see how you ended up somewhere. So how did I end up here? Foggy brain, tired and in pain.
April 2016. I thought it was just a simple cold. I was sick in bed for a week. Nothing unusual. I get sick all the time. I'm used to that. It was a week later when I knew things were different. There was awful pain in both my hands. It was awful. I tired to ignore, I thought, hey, it'll go away. It didn't go away. It took me two weeks to finally go and see a doctor. May 4th was my first visit. (I remember because may the fourth be with you, lol, I'm a nerd). I was told that it was just "Post-viral arthritis." That's fine, it'll go away within a few weeks. I can deal with that. To put things into perspective, this year was my last year at high school. I had to complete NCEA Level 3 and get University Entrance this year so that I can go to Law School the following year. So, I got anti-inflammatory pain killers, explained to my teachers that it might take me as little while longer to complete assessments, and that to just bare with me, this will pass. Most of them were understanding. Two more weeks passed, it was the middle of May and I was still in so much pain and the anti-inflammatory's were not having any effect, my school attendance was dropping. I just could not deal with the pain and school at the same time, so I went back to the doctor. I needed pain relief. During that visit, blood tests were done, and I was given different anti-inflammatory pain killers, with a warning that these ones will probably make me feel sick. That was a Monday. On the Friday afternoon my mother got a call from the nurse saying that my blood test results were in, and I need to go to the hospital right away. There was some bacteria in my blood that was indicative of Rheumatic Fever. So, off I went to the hospital, where I was admitted straight away, (I refused to put on a gown, those things are ugly asf) it didn't take very long for a nurse to come in, take more blood, the usual. Not very long after that, a different nurse came in and did an EKG. A couple hours later, I seen the doctor. Everything was looking ok at this point, it was just dependent on my blood test results as to what was happening. Before I was moved to a different room to spend the night, my results came in, and everything was all fine. I could go home, this time with Codeine. On top of the other pain killers I was taking, I was also taking a lot of Ibuprofen and Panadol, one three times a day, the other four times a day. Nothing was helping the pain.
It was around two weeks after the hospital saga that my chest started to really hurt, and I was feeling so very sick, all the time. My school attendance was dropping so much. I was falling so behind on all my assessments, and I'm usually a person that finishes everything early. So that wasn't helping me at all. Most of my teachers understood what I was going through, but there was one who just made it so difficult, and made me just want to drop out of school. But anyways, I seen my doctor once again. And it was just the anti-inflammatory's messing with my stomach and causing the nausea and chest pain. That was what we thought anyways. The chest pain didn't go away. It got worse. I was taking the pills for my stomach. It was meant to help. But they gave me awful migraines. I gave it a couple weeks before going back to the doctor, but I ended up seeing somebody different. And also because my once disappeared pain in my hands had disappeared, had come back. This was end of June. Another visit, and another set of pills and off I went. July came around and things were only getting worse. Back to the doctor it was. She thought that it could be gallstones, so the next morning I was off to get an ultrasound on my upper abdomen, and later that day seen the doctor. It wasn't. So off I went with different pills for my stomach. I was still in so much pain, I was going to school about twice a week for half a day each time. It just wasn't cutting it. I was so behind. I went back to the doctor, the pain and spread from just the middle of my chest and to everywhere from the bottom of my rib cage and up. Sometimes I would be in class and the pain would be so bad that I had to leave before I cried in front of my class. End of July I went back and I was referred to a musculoskeletal specialist. It took two weeks to get in to see him. At this point, the only thing I can remember him saying, (other than our chat about playing guitar and talking about music) is about pain signals being messed up, and that while the pain is real, there was no cause for it. So this time, I was given Prednisone (An oral steroid), and a low dose of anti-depressants because I wasn't sleeping and anti-depressants are good for the pain. The steroids worked for about two days. I'm one of those people that build a tolerance to drugs so fast. The anti-depressants however, were amazing. For about three weeks.

Back to the doctor it was in September. The pain had returned and my school attendance was awful. At this point, I accepted that I wasn't going to pass level 3 this year, or go to university next year. I would have to finish it next year through home-correspondence. I went back and was given the same anti-depressants I was previously taken, but, I was to increase the dose myself once I felt they weren't having enough of an effect. This worked, it did. Until I finished them and the pain returned, even worse.
Three weeks ago I went back to my doctor. It was a long visit. And what I didn't think were significant things because I was so focused on the pain, was that I'm so tired all the time, I have some pretty wack memory problems cognitive difficulties really, hypersensitivity to touch, and lights hurt my eyes, loud noises are the same. I get a lot of headaches, which seem to only be getting worse. My hands and feet tingle. Temperature sensitivity, one minute I'm really cold and have on jerseys and in bed, and the next I'm way too hot and just in a t-shirt. I bump into literally everything. I went into my door frame a month ago and broke my toe. My balance is awful. Sometimes I go to reach for something, and miss, many times. My distance judgement is so bad. I walk into my door and door frame almost every time I leave my bedroom, and it hurts. A lot. Thanks to the sensitivity to touch. it honestly hurts to itch sometimes.
It's been a very long year, and sometimes I just need to think about what I went through to get this far, and to get to December. As hard as it is to be in so much pain, I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I refuse to let this beat me down anymore.

Chapter 2: Going to school while in chronic pain? That's a joke. (It's on the next page btw, not this page, just for some reason I feel like that needs to be explained)...