I've always heard that December nights were sad, but never thought I would be one of the victims of its cruelty. 28th Dec. 1998...to any spectator this date wouldn't have any special meaning, but to me it's snowy night. I still remember everything about that day, starting from the time I opened my eyes to the burning sensation of the sunlight in them, to the numbness that was engulfing me a few days later, after bowling out my eyes as the disastrous events of that day rolled by like a broke tape in my mind, carving itself to every inch of my memory.
Thus today; exactly three years later I've decided to put an end to the catastrophic effects of that day, all the nightmares, tears, pain, hurt, confusion and other feelings that I have been experiencing ever since.
Right now, as I record this video the poison is roaming around my body, invading every single cell and slaughtering it to its end. At this time I'm going to record my story and everything that happened on that unfortunate day:
"Like any other day, I woke up and got up from the warm comfort of my bed, my legs barely carrying me. I started getting ready, took a warm shower and I could finally feel my muscles relaxing as the water flowed down my body. I brushed my teeth and then wore my old uniform which by now should be translucent after having worn it for an eternity. I then hurriedly went downstairs greeting both my parents with a kiss on the cheek and mumbling a quick 'morning' then grabbed myself a mug of steaming coffee and an apple. I was never normal to begin with so don't be surprised by my actions. A couple of minutes later I heard the sound of the school bus parking in front of my house so I quickly rushed to the front door trying to pull on my jacket as well as my shoes at the same time, grabbing the door handle. By the time I got done with the first foot, I suddenly felt my body being pushed towards the ground, and my whole life passed before my eyes as I fell towards my doom. Pretty dramatic I know but is that not our nature as teenagers?
I heard my younger brother cackling like a maniac as he ran towards the bus leaving me a heap of mess on the ground, I wanted to shout a few colorful words at him but I chose to ignore the idea as I knew that he won't hear me out anyways. Deciding that I was running short of time I left my other shoe's lace undone and rocketed towards the bus, slouching down in the seat close to the window like I always did, it was sort of part of my routine, I then bent to fix my shoelace already plotting a revenge plan for what my brother did earlier. ************************* As the bus came to a stop by the school doors, everyone rushed out to meet their friends, like it's been years since they last met and not the few hours that they actually were. Taking cautious steps towards the aging building, I thought about how many people passed through the same doors as the years passed leading to new generations, I couldn't help also thinking about the first person who came up with the idea of attending this tormenting place named school- Don't get me wrong but I can't help but think it was some sadists' idea hating on all the kids and trying to punish them somehow without it being suspicious. I know that's a bit of an irrational way of thinking but I'm still young and I can't stop trying to make my tardiness and mediocre grades sound like someone else's fault. Sluggishly, I made my way to my first class, meeting my best friend between the hordes of obnoxiously noisy students, we quickly greeted each other and engaged ourselves in small conversations on our way to class, taking our usual seats in the front row. The lesson was excruciatingly boring as usual, everything felt normal from the clock that seemed to tick purposely slower than normal , to the way most of the students seemed to be daydreaming about stuff that was too far away from what the teacher was trying to explain to us for the past twenty minutes or so. I also remember how everything seemed to suddenly move in slow motion from the disastrously loud sound of the emergency bell; that felt as if it was bursting right through my eardrums, initiating that there was a fire starting somewhere in the building, to the looks of panic that seemed to be imprinted on most of my classmates' faces like an infectious disease, as if on chorus, they all started moving randomly trying to all reach for the door knob at the same time, which was clearly not working judging by how we were all still stuck inside the classroom, which seemed to be getting smaller. Everyone's voices seemed to be rising by the minute including the teacher's, who was trying to keep us calm, all her protests falling to deaf ears. But in contrast to all their thoughts of escaping, the first thing that came to my mind was my younger brother, random ideas roaming my mind, considering the fact which I don't think I mentioned earlier that he's deaf. So how would he hear the bell for goodness sake? I thought he might see everyone running around like wild animals, but then again he might also be somewhere alone like in the restroom or ditching class in the school's back yard as he usually does, although I threatened to tell mom and dad if he did it again. I did the very first thing that came to my mind at that moment which was to call his cellphone..."
The words started slurring in my tongue as an intense pain grew in the lower parts of my stomach making me feel dizzy, I tried to adjust my position in front of my laptop's camera, keyword being tried and miserably failing; I felt my weight being pulled downwards by the gravity's force, but instead of hitting the ground I felt myself being carried to that same cursed room, the smell of smoke still lingering in my nostrils, the burning feeling of my suffocating lungs as I gasped for air while trying to grasp on my brothers bloodied body for dear life. Images of the smirking psycho that stabbed him and burnt the school rolling by my eyes as if it was real then repeating itself all over again. I can still hear my hoarse voice as I tried screaming for help, those painful feelings of being vulnerable and totally helpless as I looked in to my brothers brown irises a faraway look in his dilated pupils, my whole frame started violently shaking as the truth started to sink in. He was gone and was never coming back.
I might have been saved that day but my soul has left with him the moment he took his last breath, and now am finally going to meet with him. I'll once again hear my brother's harmonious laughter after pulling one of his pranks on me and see his face being lit with a huge smile and sparkling eyes.
I slowly started closing my eyes slipping into the depth of darkness, with those delightful thoughts lingering in my head.
Unaware of my surroundings and my eyes still firmly closed, I heard a few muffled voices and tried to figure whom they belonged to:
"It's been long since she last tried to do such a thing, I don't know what made her do it." A feminine voice that was weirdly similar to my mothers' said, it was a bit deep as if she had been crying.
"I think she stopped taking her pills again, you need to keep a closer eye on her, as we might not be able to save her next time. She also took a decent portion of the cleaning antiseptic which will make her stomach quite sensitive for the next few days..."A rough manly voice said as I started zoning out of their conversation, having one gloomy question in mind:
Are they talking about me?
