8 Letters, 3 Words, 1 Regret

It hurts... Every time.

I try to be strong but once I'm alone I cry and let it all come tumbling out. Alone again. I'm angry. I need an explanation. I want to understand these feelings. I want to.. But I can't.

You were always there for me . You had my back. Never once complained when I came to you, looking for a shoulder to cry on. You comforted me. Made me feel better. You helped me through what I thought was my worst nightmare. You promised you'd always be there for me, but looks like promises were meant to be broken... Because you lied.

I was not ready for you to leave me, perhaps you've thought of things you'd wished you said - well so have I. It's hard in the beginning but I know I will make it through, if only you would message me.

I still remember the day you left as though it was yesterday. The rain was falling harder than my tears. I tried to get you to stay. To tell you how much I needed you and begged you not to go. Buy my pleas fell upon deaf ears. You just went away as if I didn't matter, as if we didn't matter.

I still call you. I text you. I tell you how I feel but you never reply. I'm ignored. It's like you've forgotten about me. Why can't I forget about you so?

Just the other day I was looking through your pictures on Instagram. I was in most of them. No photos have been added since you left me, it seems as though nothing has changed but it has.

I keep ringing your phone. You don't answer, but it helps when I hear your voicemail. "Hello, if you're hearing this, that means I'm probably trying to avoid you, so don't leave a message, 'cause I don't like you!" When I first heard this I thought it was hilarious but now that it's real it's not so funny anymore.

I miss your 3am spams of you trying to twerk or teach me how to do the whip. We lost our snapstreak but I guess you already knew that.

I've been listening to the playlist you made me on Spotify. I have Adele's song "Hello" on repeat the whole time. "Hello from the other side, I must've called a thousand times, to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done but when I call you never seem to be home." True... So true.

Your friends don't contact me anymore, they don't call me and I don't call them. It's probably 'cause when I bump into them, we don't know what to say. It seems as though we have nothing in common anymore. It's amazing how quickly things can change between friends. I remember the good times but now they're gone. What happened?

I finally build up the courage to go and visit you. Today is the day. What do I say? How long do I stay? I will take it as it comes. I'm nervous. Will there be somebody there with you or just the two of us?

I'm here now, as I walk through the gates I'm struck as to how quiet it is. I haven't been here in so long. As I place the flowers on your final resting place, theres only one thing I need to say.

"8 Letters, 3 Words, 1 Regret. I love you and I never told you."