Counting down

I woke up just barely being able to see my surroundings everything was as white as snow; plain white walls that matched with the cold white marble floor of my hospital room. Everything was silent no screams were heard, no cries for the ill echoed through the halls, and for once I felt no pain. My head didn’t throb from all the chaos, my body didn’t sting with pain, and for once no screams of pain escaped my hollow lips. A smile made its way onto my face because for once I was at peace even if I had ended up in this very room again, I didn’t care for I wasn’t in pain I couldn’t feel a thing. I sat up in the bed expecting to have pain shoot throughout my body once I made a single movement, but nothing happened I felt no pain. The outside sky shined as bright as could be, but the busy city lights out shined the stars. At times like these I feel at peace like there’s not a problem in the world that can ruin this moment. I wear a smile for my family letting them know I’m fine, I laugh along with them so they think I’m happy. I laid back down into my bed and pulled the covers over my head and fell asleep.

“Mom, please let me go.” I managed to speak as she was cutting off my air supply with her tight hug. “I’m fine.” I pulled out of her hug and faced her with a smile. “Look I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.” I smiled at her to which she responded with a whimper as she started to cry and yet again hugged me as tight as she could. She flew back from her meeting in Florida once she heard I had collapsed suddenly and had to be taken into urgent care.

“Zander! My precious baby boy!” She cried as she ran her hands through my hair and hugged me tight. “You scared me! Suddenly collapsing like that right after you were just released from the hospital! If Rose hadn’t gone into your room and seen you on the floor you would’ve died. You make sure to thank her I already gave her a raise for saving you.”

“Mom, it wasn’t so serious that I could’ve died from it. You’re being dramatic.”I rolled my eyes at her. She has always been over dramatic when it comes to me suddenly collapsing as soon as I get out of the hospital. She works hard although she doesn’t need too our family comes from a long line of aristocrats from England since the 1600’s we have more than enough money. Which is where Rose comes in she’s one of our “maids” my mother just likes spending money when it comes to her sons always being looked after. If you ask me its somewhat cliche.

Somewhere in between my thoughts my mother had let go of me and was now staring at me with a worried expression on her face. “Zander? Honey do you feel bad? Should I call a nurse!?” She panicked and got up to call a nurse before she managed to get out of reach I grabbed her hand.

“Mom, I’m fine. I was just thinking.” I smiled at her. “Mom, didn’t you have a meeting in Florida today?” I asked making a confused face I already knew she had a meeting but we needed to get off the topic of me being sick.

“I did but I managed to make them push them back to tonight.”

“So you’re going back soon huh?” She looked up held my hands even tighter and nodded with a sad expression on her face.

“I leave tonight at 6 to catch my plane and get to Florida in time for my meeting.” She looked down at my hands again and messed with the tubes attached to my arms. “What time are you going to be released?”

“As soon as the doctor gets back with the results shouldn’t take long now.” Her facial expressions lightened up.

“How about when you get out we go get ice cream and watch a movie at home or do something together?” She looked at me and smiled. “I miss my Zander..” She held on tighter to my hands and looked down I felt a tear hit my hand.”

I flinched when I felt the tear. She hasn’t cried in so long mainly because she’s always away on business so that keeps her mind off of everything happening at home, but when she is here underneath the same roof as me she smiles as hard as she can during the time she spends with me and when its night and she’s alone in her room I hear her cry silencing asking god why her child must suffer. My mom is amazing and she doesn’t deserve to spend her nights crying over me and wondering why I have to go through this, why her child must be the one dying slowly without a chance of getting better or even surviving. I don’t think she even remembers the name of the sickness that’s going to take her son away from her, who could blame her? It’s such a long name that even I haven’t bothered to remember besides what’s the point of remembering the name of the sickness that's going to kill you soon. There’s no point in remembering the name either way the turnout would be the same it’ll end with me dying, remembering the name isn’t going to miraculously find a cure or expand my life even by a day. I’ll die and that’s that.