The Exchange of Gifts

The front lawn of Ivan's house was lacking all signs of holiday festivity. A pink flamingo stood in front of the door with a mustache of ice. A table and some lawn chairs, all covered in a layer of ice, stood in the area between two trees that were nearly smothering the house and a faded fence. Minus the sleet, it looked as if someone was failing miserably in the attempt to throw a lawn party.

I rang the doorbell to Ivan's house, and after a few seconds later, the door was open by a girl wearing a lopsided Santa Hat.

"Lindsay!" I exclaimed, "How are you already here?"

"Hey Kyle!" Lindsay answered cheerfully. Avoiding my question, she led me into the living. The TV was on the local news channel, as some reporter droned on about a case on some stolen million dollar diamond. A Christmas tree decorated with brightly colored ornaments sat in the corner of the room.

"So Lindsay," I continued, trying not to prod too much, "How did you get in here? Did Ivan leave the front door open or something?"

"I wish," Lindsay replied, adjusting her hat, "Justin let me in today."

I followed Lindsay into the kitchen, and sitting at the dining room table was Justin, who was eating a sandwich.

"Hey Kyle," Justin said, swallowing, "Ivan will be coming in a bit. He said he needed to go somewhere."

"Oh ok," I answered, absentmindedly walking around the kitchen. On the fridge was a Christmas card that once said "Christmas is about joy and generosity." Except someone had taken the time to cross out and rewrite the card, which now read, "Christmas is about Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Bad Gift-Giving".

"Well," Lindsay said, sitting down, "I guess Ivan went to get my present. I better get his ready too. I'll be back in a few."

"What are you getting him?" Justin asked.

Lindsay looked up at the ceiling, smiled, and said, "You'll see soon enough." She put on her jacket and walked out.

For the first time today, I smiled. Each year, Ivan and Lindsay would compete to see who could get the other the most insulting present. In past years, there have been dead bugs, toothbrushes, and grapefruits.

Justin, who was looking in Ivan refrigerator at the moment, looked up and asked, "Hey, does Lindsay like pickles? I forgot to buy my presents."

"What?" I said, turning around. Justin was at the kitchen counter, trying to wrap up a large jar of pickles with some wrapping paper. Sitting next to it was a jar of peach preserves, which also looked like it was going to be wrapped.

"I guess it's better than nothi-"

Thump!

"Why isn't there any frickin' snow! And where's the hammock?" someone shouted from outside.

I followed Justin, who was still holding the wrapping paper, towards the source of the sound, and found Ivan outside sitting in the middle of the two trees, holding a large mason jar. I quickly opened the door and let him in.

"I could have sworn I still had my hammock out," he said, placing the jar on a table, "Where's the wrapping paper?"

Justin threw him the wrapping paper as Ivan slowly sat down in a chair, wincing. The jar contained a bunch of slimy looking tadpoles, with a bedding made of darkish, shiny, rocks.

"Is this Lindsay's present?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah dude," Ivan replied, "I was short on money this year, and when the guy at the pet store heard what I was looking for, he just handed me the jar and told me to have a Merry Christmas. He seemed really glad to give it to me. Nice guy, right?"

"Yeah... What was the deal with the hammock thing?" I added, "Did you trip or something?"

"Nah," Ivan replied, "I was upstairs the whole time, spying on Lindsay. I jumped out of the window and the hammock just wasn't there."

Ivan said all of this casually, as if jumping out of the second floor window was something he did every day.

"Ok..." I replied, peering into the shimmering tadpole jar, "Why don't I wrap this for you while you get the other stuff ready?" Taking the wrapping paper from Ivan, I headed into the kitchen. After, I settled the jar with all the other presents and headed back to the living room.

Ding, dong!

I ran to get the door, while Ivan and Justin headed back into the kitchen. I found Lindsay at the door, holding a lumpy package. Smiling, I welcomed her in. Taking off her jacket, she headed into the kitchen.

Lindsay handed her present to Ivan, while he handed the wrapped jar to her.

"You open yours first," Lindsay insisted with a fake smile.

Rolling his eyes, Ivan ripped off the wrapping off the lumpy package, which contained a giant square of cloth. He unfolded the square, and then again and again.

"The hammock!" he fumed, "How did you, you even get this?"

He looked outside, and then back at the hammock.

"Never mind," Ivan muttered, "Your turn."

Lindsay ripped the wrapping paper off her jar.

"Pickles!" She exclaimed, looking surprised.

"What?" Justin asked.

The jar that Lindsay was holding indeed did contain an abundance of green gherkins.

"Hey, aren't those mine?" Ivan asked, "Anyway, it must be the other jar." He slid Lindsay the other jar on the table. She immediately tore off the wrapping.

"Peach preserves?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What no!" Ivan shouted, looking around, "Where's the other jar!"

After ten minutes of searching, we came to this conclusion: the jar of tadpoles had disappeared.

And so about an hour later, Lindsay happily left holding her jar of pickles in one hand, and the peach preserves in the other.

***

That night, I emptied the jar of tadpoles into the sink. Taking the scoopful of rocks from the bottom of the jar, I sifted through them until I found what I was looking for...