The day before you left me there was a notebook floating in the pool of blood you left behind after the bullet went through your head. I cried for days soon turning to months laying in the empty apartment we shared. Having the courage to pick up the book on the night stand reading through the pages each having a date on it. Flipping through it stumbling upon the day before our fight.
"I told you not to drink and here you are reeking of liquor!!!" Screams and yells were exchanged in the quiet night until my eyes widen when he slammed me into the wall choking gripping his hand when he realized what he was doing letting me go instantly. "Lee I, I didn't mean to do that I.. I'm sorry." He went closer to hug me as this was my part to accept his apology, but I stepped back further quickly grabbing my coat saying nothing else. Feeling his warm arms made it worst struggling to get out of his grip crying, running out without another word to say. He didn't chase me hearing the calls and vibrations of him texting he's sorry. This was the third time this week we had a fight leaving a red mark on his neck and the other times was slaps and sometimes even punches were thrown still having the bruises.
To: Lee
From: Han
Please babe I'm sorry come back.........I need you right now.....don't leave me I love you so much so please come back to me I'm begging you.
The screen turned black after that text and everything was finally silent closing his red eyes, hot tears trickled down his cheeks falling asleep with regrettes. Han was a mess mostly their apartment as blood stained the carpet, glasses and vases were broken lashing out crying, his mind was stable as he went to the closet opening the locket box hiding where his gun was. His hand trembled pointing it to his head, biting his bottom lip hearing the safeguard click, all he could think was the times he hurt Lee as he smiled when they first met, "I love you." In that moment it was slow motion seeing his life flashing before his life wishing he could had gave more to Lee as his mind went blank falling dead cold on the floor.
Lee opened his eyes as they stung looking blankly at the sky thinking of yesterday checking his phone to read over the text and heard the voice mails getting use to this since they fought more than loved. He had an uneasy feeling though as he walked closer to his building complex seeing police officers surrounding the place quickening his pace as his eyes began to brim with tears thinking the worst that came true once he saw Han laying on the floor. "Do you know this man?" His body was slightly shook flinching when the police officer looked at him trying to say, "yes he's my boyfriend." But nothing came out as if someone was choking him. All that was on his mind was Han stumbling over to him going all over the crime scene holding him tightly crying.
"No...NO! Why?! Why did you leave me?! I'm sorry please, Han, don't be like this...I love you." His voice was breaking in between sobs covered in his blood trying to pull him off hearing his yells screaming begging to go back to him. "NO LET ME GO HE NEEDS ME! HE NEEDS TO KNOW I LOVE HIM!" Lee cried out soon falling to his knees staring at the cold body cupping his face as they let the boy be feeling sorry for his lost. .
During their years together it was tough to show their affection for each other leading to fights and arguments, jealousy, drinking. The abused got to his head hallucinating, having a cold chill down his spine feeling alone doubting the love they once had. Being that gay couple wasn't all happy like a normal one being stared at, outcasted by their parents, bullied for their sexuality. Starting from childhood buddies, to best friends, now lovers, but theirs one hand yearning for the others warm touch. It turned to our toxic love.
Tuesday 15th November 2016
I wonder if times stops for you too whenever you smile or pour a cup of tea if feel a warm tingly sensation. Did it hurt less when I shot myself? Is it best to be separated from each other? You saw this coming soon didn't you? Cause I did.........
"I do every time I'm with you my heart couldn't stop. Of course not pabo I'll miss you more. Yes, but I ignored it...." It was as if he was talking to him right then and there missing him more and more by the secondary nd. He walked around the city trying to get out more getting han off his mind for a moment hearing the dining sound when he entered the coffee shop looking around. His eye caught a peculiar person bundled up and couldn't help getting closer and eyes widen seeing han. 'H-han?! You're alive!" Lee was in bliss hugging him, but han wasn't pushing him off. "Yah i'm not han, not anymore I don't love you and I tried to get away from you." Lee was confused seeing him go rushing after him having tears streamed passes his face reaching out feeling nothing. "Don't leave me....."
His face scrunched up groaning when he heard someone call him hearing the stomping steps coming closer. "Lee still sleeping? It's 4:21pm, wake up~", Han chuckled kissing the top of his head as lee had a puzzled face looking around. The cold fall breeze came through the window seeing the notebook next to him having sticky notes on the page. Han picked it up and flipped through the pages smiling softly. "Still reading my old journals again.." Lee had a puzzled face not realizing tears trickled down his face looking at Han "It was a dream...."
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