Tʜᴇ Sʜɪᴇʟᴅ Aʀᴄʜɪᴠᴇs: LMD [Explicit]

Archive Two: "I Deserve It." [Explicit]

Spoiler Warning

Takes Place In Between "The Ghost" and "Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire"

Trigger Warning

Reader Discretion Advised

Ghost Rider

Daisy's Point of View

When I heard that the anti-Inhuman terrorist group known as the Watchdogs were up to no good again, I knew that I had to do something. After.. Lincoln and the whole Hive shit, I was branded a traitor to Shield and because of my actions after Hive invaded and was killed, after i left Shield, the news and media outlets referred to me as Quake, the vigilante, which really helped my mental issues. I really loved Lincoln.. He was the only one that truly understood what i was going through and helped me with my powers.. After Hive, who sort of understood invaded, I kept having visions of a death.. someone would die during his attack, and i was physically scared for everyone... I thought that, if someone was going to die, it should be me since i was losing my friends and family.. and Jemma.. When Lincoln took my place, i couldn't handle it, I wanted it to be me, I didn't want Lincoln to die just because.. When he.. when he died, it hurt me to the core so much, i had no other choice but to leave Shield. 

After i left, I started hunting the Watchdogs for their crimes, and when i finally caught up to them, what i saw horrified me to the core - some guy, or whatever it was, showed up and murdered all of the Aryan Brotherhood before turning to me, but his head was on fucking FIRE, like a flaming skull. I had to get out of there, and fast. 

The next day, after meeting up with Yo-Yo for some medication to help me with my fractures... I may have been over-exerting my Quake powers on purpose to stop the Watchdogs. I didn't really care at this point what happened to me or my body. I took the meds, not telling Yo-Yo that i wouldn't be using them in the least. Fuck my fractures or what happens to me, right? 

Then there was Robbie Reyes. I wanted to find out if he knew about this flaming skull guy, and imagine my surprise when my suspicions were correct. He was killing innocents because he said they deserved it. At this point, he revealed he wasn't personally responsible for killing these people before turning into the flaming skull dude. As hard as i tried to fight him off, a punch to the gut from his Rider form took me out. Well, if i was going to go out, might as well die by the Ghost Rider's hands. He tried to throw a toolbox shelf on me, and i tried to keep it from actually colliding with me. He only killed people that deserved it? 

"Do it... I deserve it... do it.." 

He looked at me for a second, before walking away. I had a split second to decide what i wanted to do at this moment.. i could just let this shelf fall on me... that sounded so fucking nice... 'Quake dies in junkyard incident'... I can see it now.. but i still had things to do... did i..? Coulson and the others could stop the Watchdogs, right? I reluctantly rolled away from the shelf before it fall on me... Damn my conscience... Damn Robbie for not killing me.. Damn myself for chickening out.. 

Things went from bad to worse once i found the list of Inhumans the Watchdogs were targeting, but before i could get out of there, they fucked me up beforehand, so i had to throw them off by hiding out in what i thought was an abandoned house until i heard Jemma talking. I quickly apologized that i had nowhere else to go before passing out from my injuries... 

Shortly after, i woke up to Jemma patching me up, and i quickly stopped her. Damn it, Daisy.. 

"Daisy? Let me help you..." 

I wanted her to.. i wanted it so fucking much... especially from her... from Jemma... the girl i've had feelings for for like, months... 

"Jemma... I..."

"Daisy... what's going on?" 

I had to tell her everything... so i did.. I told her that I've been using my powers regardless of my fractures and that I've been putting myself in danger on purpose, not caring if i die because of it... that i deserve it... Jemma pulled me into a hug and started crying hard. 

"I don't deserve to live anymore, Jemma... I have nothing to live for anymore... Coulson and the others see me as a threat now... even... even you don't see me as the same anymore..."

Jemma looked at me. And i knew what she was going to ask me...

"Daisy... are you saying all of this because of what happened with Lincoln...? That wasn't your fault... He cared about you so much that he didn't want you to be scared anymore or under Hive's control." 

"But why him... why did he have to die... why couldn't it have been ME?! I wanted to die!"

I was shaking hard... why did he have to die... Jemma kept her gaze on me, holding me close.

"Daisy... I don't care what you've done as Quake... But to hear that... you want to die because of what's happened with Lincoln and Hive hurts me... a lot..."  

"It shouldn't, though... I deserve to be in his place... i don't want to live anymore... i can't..."

Then Jemma lifted my head up before leaning in to kiss me, softly pressing her lips onto mines. I blushed before returning the kiss. It lasted for as long as our lungs allowed, and i didn't want to pull away... I've wanted this for decades... She stayed in the kiss a little longer, keeping her hands on my face as I moved closer, wrapping an arm around her neck. 

"I love you, Daisy Johnson... I'm.. I'm in love with you... and i can't bear to see you in a grave... I just can't..." 

"But you and Fitz... This house... isn't it for.." 

"It's for you and I, love... Fitz and I broke up after the whole Hive incident... it's a.. complicated situation.. but i found this house in the hopes you.. you would come back... I hate hearing that you're trying to kill yourself... it's not the way.." 

"Isn't it...? If I stay alive, who's to say I won't do something else to hurt people... at least if i'm not alive anymore, they won't have to deal with Quake, the vigilante...it hurts, Jems..."

I didn't mean it.. I honestly didn't... 

"Daisy.. fuck those people and what they say about you.. I refuse to lose the woman I've loved since i first laid eyes on you.. Fitz and I.. yes, we dated, but he understood that i had feelings for you... I refuse to lose you to anything.. i care about you too much to lose you... we can and we will get through this together... just.. promise me you'll use your gauntlets, please... even if Shield hates you... i can't bear to lose you.." 

I looked at Jemma, leaning in to kiss her again, keeping her body close. I promised her that i wouldn't try to endanger myself anymore for her sake.. she smiled a teary-eyed smile before returning the kiss. 

I would try to stop... she was right... i was basically trying to commit suicide and... i probably would have eventually succeeded had i not met up with Jemma today... there's a part of me that still believes i deserve it... but for right now... I want to be with Jemma... 

The Watchdogs could wait.

End.

If you are going through a tough time, call this number:

1-800-273-8255 

Suicide is never the answer.